I was at an apt over the weekend and the broker was babbling as we were walking through and then said to me 'now's the time to buy, interest rates are again starting to rise so get it while it's low.' I tried not to laugh or point out how wrong she was but ignored it.

Then this happens today.
http://www.breitbart.com/system/wire/D9VHIPNG2

Anyone else have any classic's?

I was looking at a 700 square foot one bedroom at trump place a few years ago. It was the typical one bedroom layout with white walls, bedroom next to the living room and whatever the standard height ceilings are (9 Feet, I think). The broker said "the apartment has 9 foot ceilings so it has that gothic feel".

Yes, that is what I think of when I think of new construction 700 square foot one bedrooms with white walls - "gothic feeling".

"Trust me..."

the interest rate pitch is always great.

I could see my self living here...

I could see myself living here

"Why is maintenance on this place 2 grand when there are no amenities other than a doorman and an elevator?" - Me

(Blank stare with hamster running on the wheel) "Inflation........." - Broker

(Blank stare) - Me

"oh and the doorman is also 24 hours and knows everyone by name." - Broker

"That's nice" - Me

I think all these comments are dump EXCEPT the OP's. It is in fact true interest rates are remarkably low and will no dount rise. As to how housing prices play out -- as well as the more general macro economy -- that's anybody's guess.

it really feels bigger than it is.

hey midageguy, keep it clean!

LOL. As in, "The owners really did a brilliant job renovating the space..."

Sorry I have to add some others:

" I know for a fact this is the best priced 2 BR/2BA on the Upper East Side."

"Unfortunately, that's the trade-off with a pre-war." (this in response to any remotely modern convenience you have asked for like decent electrical service, cable, A/C, clear running water.)

"You'd be surprised, it's really not that busy a street."

"you cant sell this without a broker"

"you need a broker"

I recently asked a broker to justify his seller's asking price on a 2bdrm - he sent me a SINGLE comp transaction for a much nicer, bigger unit that had the same absolute price as the unit he was selling. The comp was FIFTEEN months old and was actually $175/per sq. ft. CHEAPER than his unit. When I asked him about it, he said people don't look at things on a per sq. ft. basis. I felt embarrassed for him.

>>The broker said "the apartment has 9 foot ceilings so it has that gothic feel". <<

That's PRICELESS!! Hilarious. :-D

I liked how a RE broker can predict interest rates, yet Fed officials Wall St. bond analysts can't.

Hey uptown girl why can't Fed officials such as Bernanke predict interest rate? I don't get that one.

"The commission I make is justified"

Listing Broker on recent showing: "financials are shared and due diligence is conducted only AFTER a contract is signed, and never before."
Listing Broker on recent co-op showing: "tax deductibility? Like what you can deduct if you sell the apartment at a loss?"
Listing Broker 10 months ago on over-priced apartment "it's a STEAL. I have five people ready to offer." same broker 7 months ago: "want to let you know we have reduced the price $50,000 if your client is still looking. I can't believe the owner would price so low!!". Repeat the above four times.
Listing Broker of a semi-difficult co-op: "Post-closing liquidity? What's that?"

Re: interest rates. I've said it at least four times in my quarterly newsletter in recent quarters: "I doubt they will ever be this low." I enjoy eating Crow.

rumor says:
"income restrictions will be lifted"
"that garbage processing facility will never be built"
"it's easy to add a 3rd bedroom!"

"The second avenue will be done by the end of the year, so the price will sky rocket soon." - broker (April 2012)

"you know, there is an active bid on this property right now"

Good man, Mets79, for being able to poke a little light fun at profession and self.

"He is so rich he doesn't care about money, so won't lower the price"

"What is streeteasy?"

"What is streeteasy"

- Love this one. Heard it multiple times as well.

I love it when someone tries to justify paying more by saying it is only X more in monthly payments (with financing)

"6% commissions is fixed. It's non-negotiable by law"
"I'd be surprised if this unit stays on the market for another week" (after being listed on the market for nearly a year already)
"Just put in an offer. It doesn't hurt"

NYC realtors (not all but significant number of them) are lying scums and destroy the reputation of honest & hard-working realtors nationwide.

Based on my own personal experience, yes. And I've bought & sold properties in many States from northeast, southeast to west coast. Don't get me wrong... I have met a few that don't fall into the scumbag category. Moreover, I think it's worth calling out that it takes an un-educated buyer/seller to accept scumbag realtors as their business partner. So it's not all one-sided against realtors...

Yep. I read that thread this morning and it absolutely fits the description of an unreliable client that wants the cake and eat it too. Well, they got a good match with an unethical realtor... they can now waste each other's time.

her: "the market is strong in Manhattan"
me: "hmmm... global recession, stock market tanking, real estate about get hit".
her: "oh, they say that EVERY year"

(yes, this was right before the 20% declines in Manhattan)

Some gems:

1) Bloomingdale's is looking to rent out the retail space here. (after checking on Google, that rumor fizzled 2 years ago).

2) This apt has been in the market a couple of weeks (26, to be exact).

We have another offer, all cash higher than yours

Original details.

Agent: "No, I'm sorry, the co-op doesn't permit dogs."
Me: "But your ad for this open house says, 'pet friendly.' And I have a dog."
Agent: "Oh, it is pet friendly, they just don't permit dogs."
Me turning to leave.
Agent: "Don't you want to see the apartment?"

Me - I see this building allows pets which most buildings consider just cats and dogs. I have a rather large saltwater fish tank, will this be a problem?

Broker - Fish aren't considered pets

Me - Really, what else isn't considered a pet

Broker - Turtles and snakes

Me - That's random. Birds?

Broker - Pets b/c they talk

"my client said they will only move if i find them something cheaper and bigger than what he currently has, i am on it"

"You can turn around and flip this place in a heartbeat for at least $100k more, for sure!"

...at an open house for a property which had been on the market for a long, long time.

Yes the apartment is available , but there is a lot of interest.. Let me know if you want to see it today... It's on the market for over a year...

A similar unit in the building sold at a lower per sq ft price - BROKER: homes in Manhattan aren't priced at per sq ft basis.

A similar unit on a higher floor and same line sold at a lower price just a few months ago - BROKER: That was an exception. You should compare it to another one (differnt line) that was sold at a higher price this year.

Why are gaps in the hardwood floor (new building)? BROKER: It's common and normal in new building because it takes a few years for it to settle. NOTE: I've seen good quality new buildings without this issue!

Phenomenally received
Diminishing inventory
Outstanding achievement
Exceptional nature
Meticulously appointed
Dazzling views
Sumptuous amenities
Unbeatable location
Substantial appreciation

All of this in one post.

"This is a seven-room apartment... although it only has four windows, and one of them is in a closet."
http://img.streeteasy.com/nyc/attachment/show/1286625-dorchester-towers.jpg

way too funny

> Why are gaps in the hardwood floor (new building)? BROKER: It's common and normal in new building because it takes a few years for it to settle. NOTE: I've seen good quality new buildings without this issue!

I have seen "leaks" in new buildings and the unit wasn't even underneath a terrace as usually a common place to find leaks. The sad part was, the way they patched up the leak was so poorly done that I can see the patch and the "yellow stain" from the leak ...

> Yes the apartment is available , but there is a lot of interest.. Let me know if you want to see it today... It's on the market for over a year..

ROFLMAO ... The "there is a lot of interest" is a 1000% sure sign that there was NO INTEREST. Same crap was said to me by a broker ... she had 3 subsequent OHs for the unit. ROFLMAO .. do they have a conscience or lying is part of the pre-requisite of being a broker ? :)

> "What is streeteasy"

A few brokers said to me "I get the listing before it hits the system." Hinting: best to work w/me or you will never be able to find that dream apartment of yours :) .. ROFLMAO

>"you cant sell this without a broker"
> "you need a broker"

Hahaha, one of them said to me "I'm an honest broker!" ROFLMAO .. that's an oxymoron lady.

> "Why is maintenance on this place 2 grand when there are no amenities other than a doorman and an elevator?" - Me

The other "common" and "can" answer is "it's a small building."

The thought that runs through in my head --> small building = small maintenance staff and expenses so why is the common charges still so high ? bad management ? Noh! Should I even bother to ask for the financials ?

> As to how housing prices play out -- as well as the more general macro economy -- that's anybody's guess.

Anybody's guess .. ROFLMAO .. guess no more Bernie123 and stop selling snake oil ...

[ECRI's Achuthan Says U.S. Economy Is in Recession]

http://www.bloomberg.com/video/ecri-s-achuthan-says-u-s-economy-is-in-recession-8B7WivlWSb~6ufDTVKeOoQ.html

A broker once said to me, "cash isn't a short term asset." Beyond dumb.

> "cash isn't a short term asset."

He or she never learned the definition of "deleveraging."

Bump:

"Apartment also comes with a real life genie."

I am an investor, not a broker

"You have a buyer's broker already that will give you money back at closing? Thats illegal..."

"The application fee is $300, please make the check payable to me"
http://streeteasy.com/nyc/talk/discussion/34863-application-fee-paid-to-broker

"C0lumbia C0unty is just minutes from Manhattan via the Taconic."

Some more... from the seller's broker:

"You really need to buy what feels right in your heart"

"There is 10 inches of concrete between floors, you won't hear a thing"

"These old buildings have solid walls, unlike new buildings, you wont hear a thing from neighbors"

"These new buildings have solid walls, unlike old buildings, you wont hear a thing from neighbors"

"I don't care about your commission on this sale (and the purchase we also did, totalling, for the broker, about $45,000 after splits) as I make my money on volume not individual sales.

Guywithcat, did you hear all of this, or are you making half of the quotations up?

C0C0, do you own a cat?

"i got that information you wanted, GREAT NEWS, the building has a ballon mortgage on it and it's not due for 2 more years!"
(i sh*t you not)

what is a ballon (balloon?) mortgage?

A corcoran broker showing me an apartment near madison park around 3rdQ 2009.

Me: THe market is soft, inventory is at an all time high with 3 in this building alone.
Her: No the market is hot, I have bidding wars in willamsburg.

word...for word

In a twin towered co-op with each identical except for position obviously...

Broker: "This tower is the better one."

Me: "Why? Weren't they built at the same time? They sit on the same base do they not?"

Broker: I don't know...that's just what I've heard. People say that this tower feels more 'solid' somehow."

WTF?!

Daniel178 - many co-ops have balloon mortgages which are basically "interest only" mortgages for the life of the mortgage with a final payment due at the end. It's more common than a self-amortizing mortgage because a) monthly payments are typically lower (unless interest rates skyrocket when it comes time to refinance) and b) shareholders who sell before the mortgage is due haven't paid a disproportionate share of the interest.

"it's on the top floor so it has higher ceilings than units on any other floor" (hint, the ceilings are the same height as on all the other floors)

"it has a loft-like feeling"

"one of a kind"

"triple mint"

My recent dumb broker momement occured while browsing a house in nassau county.

I'm at an open house and ask the sales agent whether the house has a cesspool or sewer. Agent has no clue and asks the owner who was next to her. I'm sure the owner must have been very happy at that momemnt, that some idiot will collect a commission to sell his million dollar house.

>I'm at an open house and ask the sales agent whether the house has a cesspool or sewer. Agent has no clue and asks the owner who was next to her. I'm sure the owner must have been very happy at that momemnt, that some idiot will collect a commission to sell his million dollar house.

Yes, because Lord knows, the owner expects proper answers from the broker regarding sewage.

I guess I am expecting too much from a broker for them to have basic knowledge of the house they are selling.

The broker would know whether there's a sewer or cesspool if she had done the initial assessment correctly. That's almost a no-brainer when you're selling a house. Another good question to ask is if there's an underground fuel storage tank, either in use or abandoned. In Nassau, there are some things you have to do if the tank holds less than 1100 gallons and/or it is more than 30 years old.

http://ny.curbed.com/tags/the-brokerbabble-glossary

" I don't know what is is about this part of the east side but they allow you to double park while they sweep the streets"

"I love helping people."