Broker lingo

what should they say?

"dark, small, and noisy apartment just awaits your presence? come now before this one goes!"

Cozy usually you can touch opposite walls by extending your arms. Well-maintained means it has not been renovated since 1974. Watch out for the absence of any description, so if there is no mention of the light or the bathroom or any other feature, it usually means there was nothing good to say about it.

cute/efficient = tiny
lovely usually means small

just saw a new one "great original condition".... you can figure that one out when the building was built in the 30s.

urbandigs - maybe they should go as far as you went, but somewhere close. no point in wasting everyone's time by coming in and RUNNING out. the same as saying 1200 sq ft when it's really 900. just waisting everyone's time.

that is "should not go"

Whenever the agent says "perfect match", you can be assured that the apartment specifically does not have what you are looking for.

See:
http://streeteasy.com/nyc/talk/discussion/969-the-grand-madison

It's not deceptive because, in the agent's mind, when the customer asked for a view, the agent thought they really didn't want it -- so it IS a perfect match. The agent never said the apartment actually had the feature -- only that it was a perfect match. Ethics on the head of a pin or pinhead ethics, you take your pick.

urbandigs -- your extreme example is not useful. Why can't superior writing skills be put to better use in articulating the pros and cons of an apartment, versus simply causing grief by dragging folks to come see it? Not sure if there is a simple answer -- one scrupulous broker might not be inclined to buck the trend if others won't follow. So buyers might as well find a way to translate the crap from the copy before making the trip. And find some humor in this.

because the broker works for the seller, what seller will allow their hired contractor that they locked in for a 4-6 month term to write an advertisement in a way that generates less interest? Look I hear you, I understand the frustration, its not like I dont know what your saying. But the structure of the industry will never end the way you describe.

You could simply be silent on the negative aspects of the apartment, rather than trying to euphemize them.

It is transparent and silly -- and you lose credibility in the process. Being silent on these issues or a simple factual statement is unlikely to decrease traffic and enhances your credibility in negotiations after that.

Remember that guy that showed up here about a year ago with the most "honest" copy in all of Manhattan (and he had some crappy apartments), but the copy was catchy and funny? I wonder how it worked out for him.

The tragic aspect of the commons doesn't give you fatalistic carte blanche to exploit externalities.

"Bring your toothbrush" = Requires renovation
"Bring your decorator" = Requires extensive renovation
"Bring your contractor" = Requires gut renovation
"Bring your architect" = Requires demolition

LOL@West81st REBNY should adopt your suggestions as an industry wide advertising standard.

I take issue with copy that is used and reused to death that is ridiculously out of date that it's no longer accurate. For example Steps to the 1 and 9 trains....ummmm the 9 train???? When was the last time the 9 ran? Or Steps to (name a restaurant or local store), yet that business no longer exists and hasn't been around for a few years.

And what is the meaning of the phrase "This is a special property for a special buyer"? :-)

"short walk to train" = long walk
"newly renovated" = we are trying our damndest to rip you off

this is fun. there are so many! great thread sv96

"gramercy park" = 1st avenue and 31st street

west81st, nicely done!

"rarely available" = 4 more comps in the same building/line

glamma,
"newly renovated" = we bought the cheapest stuff that looked really nice and you're paying for it ;)

Pirot,
you got to come from special ed not to see the faults in this place.

Just remember in Broker Land, all adjectives are free (sort of like Mad Libs)

For some reason what always comes to mind on this subject is a Broker with a certain reputation advertising an apartment at the Vermeer with the headline "Location! Location! Location!".