In need of an apartment ASAP

You are in luck.

Nope. Not one available at any price in any neighborhood.

that narrows it down

If I had to choose between the two, I'd say there are a one bedroom available.

Mine is available - I can sublet it to you for the bargain price of $10,000 - no, wait - $20,000 - no, wait - $40,000/month.

It's a total deal, trust me.

And to all of you I must say; Thank you for starting my Monday morning with a great laugh! This is rich.

I think the vacancy rate over the weekend dropped to 0%, so no, there are no such units available any longer, anywhere.

The Charlie Sheen username is the kicker...

Winning, don't listen to these chumps -- I have the perfect apartment for you. It's located in at the corner of and. The cost is. To view it, just call me at.

I hate to step on winning's toes, but I'll take that HK. I'll pay. For move in date. I'm using UD as a broker, paying him.