Given the staggering prices, the heart attack-inducing six-floor climbs with no elevator, the maniacal landlords, and those creepy bugs with all the legs that are always under your sink, New York City homes can be plenty terrifying. Some places, however, are even scarier than usual. Today, in honor of Halloween, we round up the ten creepiest apartments on StreetEasy.
10. Death by Clashing Patterns
According to the listing, this Midwood condo has been professionally designed. We assume the intent of this designer was asphyxiation by way of competing patterns.
9. Hell’s Kitchen Studio Gives Credence to Neighborhood’s Name
The name “Hell’s Kitchen” has unfairly maligned a solid Central Manhattan neighborhood for years … until now. With its bleak security bars and oppressive lighting, this studio is basically a prison cell. We thought house arrest would come cheaper.
8. Tap Into the Supernatural
Although this Bronx house is otherwise unassuming, that conspicuous couch suggests some freaky stuff goes on here. With its purple hue and disproportionate dimensions, the thing looks like an ideal launch pad for fading into a supernatural dream, or venturing down a psychedelic rabbit hole. However you get to that level, we wish you a safe return.
7. No Good Can Come of Red Curtains, Plush Carpet and Plastic-Wrapped Cushions
Although the $267,000 asking price for this Washington Heights 2-bedroom is quite appealing, we recommend you pass on the place. It’d be too easy to erase the evidence if anything grisly went down.
6. Pad for an Urban Lumberjack, or Death From Above?
Whether you’re into the reclaimed-wood aesthetic or not, no rusted sharp object should be so close to a sleeping person’s jugular. Thankfully, the saws are not built-in at this Prospect Lefferts Garden rental.
5. Starter Home or Set for Kubrick-Inspired Horror Flick?
The listing touts this as a must-see starter home, but we caution young families from exploring alone. The Williamsbridge section of the Bronx may not be quite as isolated as the Overlook Hotel, but we can easily picture twins appearing in the doorways above, beckoning a visitor to “come play with us … for ever, and ever, and ever.”
4. No-Fee Studio in Kips Bay Features Small Kitchen and Giant Knife
The proportions of this studio are rather ominous. The kitchen is far too small for a knife that big, or a leer that maniacal. This pepper-slicing schlemiel is definitely in for it.
3. House Will Be Delivered Vacant … of Living Persons
Although this 11-bedroom multi-family brownstone in Sunset Park promises to be delivered vacant, something about this coffin-like sleeping alcove suggests that the spirits of residents past still linger.
2. Finished Basement With Family Room or Subterranean Torture Chamber?
The listing for this Midwood duplex refers to the space above as a finished basement with family room. We fear for the kin of any buyer who would deem this decaying dungeon suitable for “family entertainment.”
1. The Writing Is on the Wall
As if the lurid pink paint job and translucent red curtains at this multi-family home in Sunset Park weren’t a big enough “buyer beware,” a cryptic message scrawled on the wall in comic font asks, “What’s the point?”
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