Humorous Listing Descriptions - share yours

That place is a dump. More like, "come and get it for $600k...and we will update the kitchen to 1999 for you"

http://www.halstead.com/detail.aspx?id=167374

My all time favorite in NYC for a studio apartment that must be bought in cash due to crappy building full of rent controlled tenants (oh and located next door to 2 projects...). Broker even has a video where he cuts out the true surroundings and building... What a tool!

O A S I S - - INVESTORS WELCOME!
SEE THIS HOME'S MOVIE TOUR BY CLICKING 'VIDEO TOUR' ABOVE. After a day of conquering Gotham City, arriving home to this splendid beauty will be a delight in every way. Here you have peace, here you have inspiration, here you have a residence worthy of the name H O M E. Originally a choppy 2 Bedroom space, this property was gut renovaed & lovingly re-imagined & re-invented by a clever designer to become the lofty, awesome, designer, swimming-in-sunshine, South & West Exposed, tranquil, suprememly designed, 1 Bedroom OASIS that it is today. Two gentle flights up, elegant & comfortable, this Triple Mint, bright residence on one of Chelsea's most divine tree-lined blocks, is utterly fantastic. The magazine-worthy Living Room sports 7 windows (all new windows installed throughout home) & literally floats in the surrounding treetops. The room is open, cheerful, peaceful, & features a Dining Area, & Bonus Areas ideal for an open Study, a piano, a Library, or even more seating. With its oversized doorway, the South-facing Bedroom gathers even more light and woodsy, garden views with its lofty configuration. This resplendent room offers a designer closet, & like the entire home, proudly features high ceilings & plenty of soulful good feeling. The windowed, designer, extra-wide Kitchen with custom Cabinets, dishwasher, disposal, & plenty of granite counter space is not your typical trophy Kitchen - it truly makes stylistic sense for those who cook, &, yes, you can add a Washer/Dryer! Windowed & marbled, the designer Bathroom, with its pedestal sink, deco light, & ample medicine cabinet, is at once classic & current. The building could not be more flexible. Not only does the enviable location come with bragging rights, this is the address welcoming of pets, investors, pied-a-terres, gifting, guarantors, and parents buying for their adult children. After a day of 'working it' in the wilds of Manhattan, you'd be lucky to call this OASIS home. (SELLER SAYS: "CASH BUYERS TO THE FRONT OF THE LINE.")

That is hilarious. No need to push and shove, buyers .... just line up single file with the cash buyers upfront. LOL.

Wake me up I fell asleep somehere after the words 1 bedroom Oasis!!!

Brian Lewis is getting desperate.