I’ve identified a Manhattan apt that interests me and was curious to see if anyone can convince me that it makes sense to purchase it. Current situation: - Living & working in CT, enjoying the relative tax haven status of 6% income tax; 45 mins to Grand Central by train - Share a good 2 BR apt in a desirable area in CT -- no jokes please ;-) -- for $2000 with my share being $1200; options to... [more]
I’ve identified a Manhattan apt that interests me and was curious to see if anyone can convince me that it makes sense to purchase it.
Current situation:
- Living & working in CT, enjoying the relative tax haven status of 6% income tax; 45 mins to Grand Central by train
- Share a good 2 BR apt in a desirable area in CT -- no jokes please ;-) -- for $2000 with my share being $1200; options to change to equally good 1 BR apt and pay roughly $1600
- Actively investing a sum that would mostly be drained if used in a down payment; believe I can achieve an 8% annual return on this sum
NYC ownership situation:
- Coop is asking $600k; assuming purchase price of $582k if the seller/broker is sensible and cuts the fee to 3% as I will not use a broker
- 25% down = $145.5k and monthly mortgage of $2224 (interest rate of 4.625%); assessment is $1150 (and rising no doubt!)
- girl friend will contribute $1200 and have no ownership claim
- I’ve been told the income tax differential between NYC and CT is 6% for my tax bracket – let’s say this is an additional $1k a month
- Added bonus of having to commute to CT for work with the train pass + subway pass costing $350 (and rising no doubt!) – call it a “tax” of 2% of my pre-tax income
- Foregoing investment return on down payment and think the coop is “fully” priced and limited price appreciation potential
Potential risks of ownership:
- Relationship ends, and stuck with higher monthly cost
- Tax deductions for mortgage and state taxes are eliminated for the "rich"
I think the answer is obvious, but I’m sure there are several people on this board that will make the case that I should buy. If it’s so obvious to me to stay in CT, why do people want to live in NYC so much? Is it really worth the additional taxes plus double the housing costs?
Additional info: I have lived in Manhattan and love city living. As I get older and now that I’m in a relationship I just don’t see it worth the huge premium to living in a suburb that is less than an hour away by train.
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Response by lucillebluth
over 14 years ago
Posts: 2631
Member since: May 2010
ar, the girlfriend is not following him here and sharing the fun. the girlfriend has moved out of the place they used to share and the time they now spend together is limited to the weekends. we can only assume this arrangement was her wish, and op has stated the reason for considering this purchase being his own wish to "follow her here". i don't know. it just doesn't really sound as fun, carefree, and romantic as your story. it sounds kind of creepy. plus he won't answer any questions about the relationship, after including it into the equation. he says he stays over on the weekends. is she aware of his presence in her new home during this time? or has he made a duplicate key in order to enter her appartment at night to watch over her while she sleeps and organize her closet while wearing nothing but her bra and underwear? important questions that need answers, ar.
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Response by aboutready
over 14 years ago
Posts: 16354
Member since: Oct 2007
actually, sunday, i think he's pretty well already convinced himself not to. i read this as a request for affirmation. the convince me is more of a dare in my estimation. or that's how i read it.
maybe the question arose because the gf suggested he move to NYC, but that wouldn't necessitate buying. whether or not he can tolerate a long commute in the name of love/lust is his call. people have been commuting to new jersey, westchester, and long island for years.
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Response by aboutready
over 14 years ago
Posts: 16354
Member since: Oct 2007
ah: that was a summer vacation that lasted two years, involved four countries, two city-states, three apartments, two summer homes, twenty-two "real" friends, and four jobs. but no dogs peeing on trees.
after the response here i'm not sure i'd hang around to discuss the relationship either.
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Response by huntersburg
over 14 years ago
Posts: 11329
Member since: Nov 2010
The OP, lije just about everyone else, came here to be abused, and to see if he could last long enough to eventually be an abuser. It takes a few months - this winter shortly after I joined, aboutready said something nasty to me, and now look at me, I created that vacation thread and its working like a charm. The OP just has to stick it out a bit longer and collect details on others and then if he's any good, out to be able to turn that shit around ...
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Response by huntersburg
over 14 years ago
Posts: 11329
Member since: Nov 2010
Lije = like. Stupid virtual keyboard.
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Response by Sunday
over 14 years ago
Posts: 1607
Member since: Sep 2009
aboutready, I interpretted alanhart's message as jokingly implying that you just came back from the "summer vacation" a couple of days ago.
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Response by lucillebluth
over 14 years ago
Posts: 2631
Member since: May 2010
my foot is asleep
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Response by lucillebluth
over 14 years ago
Posts: 2631
Member since: May 2010
i just worte myself an email. how funny!
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Response by aboutready
over 14 years ago
Posts: 16354
Member since: Oct 2007
sunday, on the ar vacation thread romary recently noted that my summer vacation summary was rather banal. so was the "summer vacation report" i just gave for my overseas living experience. i am loathe to direct anyone to the ar vacation thread, but my comment might make more sense after reading. sorry, went off-topic for a moment there.
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Response by aboutready
over 14 years ago
Posts: 16354
Member since: Oct 2007
but who knows the inner workings of ah's mind?
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Response by NieuwAmsterdam
over 14 years ago
Posts: 5
Member since: Sep 2007
>after the response here i'm not sure i'd hang around to discuss the relationship either.
Tru 'dat.
He hasn't said anything about the relationship except to declare that GF is a "keeper" after explaining that she moved out of the CT rental to NYC. And yet he's really looking for relationship advice disguised as a request for a real estate discussion.
Bottom line: he wants to live with her but we don't know what she wants from him. It's either a ring or a gentle, "still friends" break-up. I'd assume it's the latter except for his certainty that she would live in the co-op with him. And if she's looking for a ring, she played a classic move, one that btw worked very well for my sister, among others I know. If he wants to stay together, he'll propose. Otherwise, if she wants to get married she should cut him loose and look elsewhere.
@AR, your life as an expat sounds like a romantic adventure, but we shouldn't compare your choices with those of the OP and his GF. You followed your heart regardless of convention; he's running a public P&L analysis on his love life. If his GF knows about this thread, I doubt she is happy.
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Response by huntersburg
over 14 years ago
Posts: 11329
Member since: Nov 2010
Thanks lucille, I did receive it.
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Response by dealboy
over 14 years ago
Posts: 528
Member since: Jan 2011
Where the hell is OP? At some job?
Com'on, I'm waiting for the answers to my questions.
Also, OP is right.
He's cutting her rent in HALF,
yet he's the asshole and jerk.
I just love people. Logic is so rare.
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Response by huntersburg
over 14 years ago
Posts: 11329
Member since: Nov 2010
um, dealboy, the girlfriend might have half rent, but she's not able to build up psychic equity
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Response by huntersburg
over 14 years ago
Posts: 11329
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i meant psychic energy
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Response by huntersburg
over 14 years ago
Posts: 11329
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or whatever apt23's usually ridiculous point was about the girlfriend.
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Response by columbiacounty
over 14 years ago
Posts: 12708
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huntersburg
2 minutes ago
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columbiacounty
2 minutes ago
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huntersburg
about 14 hours ago
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huntersburg
about 23 hours ago
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lucille, you should try this on columbiacounty. You'll need something like "the beauty of upstate new york" then you can get going on the beautiful scenery and how George Pataki's commercials used to be great (to lure alanhart in) and how we should get the Olympics again. Wait a couple of days (maybe Monday after a nice weekend) and use one of our other streeteasy posting names.
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Response by huntersburg
over 14 years ago
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columbiacounty
about 1 hour ago
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less than a minute ago
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3 minutes ago
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huntersburg
1 minute ago
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2 minutes ago
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huntersburg
about 14 hours ago
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about 22 hours ago
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lucille, you should try this on columbiacounty. You'll need something like "the beauty of upstate new york" then you can get going on the beautiful scenery and how George Pataki's commercials used to be great (to lure alanhart in) and how we should get the Olympics again. Wait a couple of days (maybe Monday after a nice weekend) and use one of our other streeteasy posting names.
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Response by dealboy
over 14 years ago
Posts: 528
Member since: Jan 2011
no_slogan, can you please fill us in on the backstory?
I am not certain this relationship is even solid. I don't know of a woman who moves out of a shared apt with intents to keep dating the guy. Also, no_slogan has consistently avoided answering the question "Do you plan to marry her?" There are glaring omissions in this story.
1) Where does your girlfriend currently work? (NY or CT)
2) Was she living with you in CT? If yes, was she commuting to NYC for work?
3) What made her move to NYC without you?
4) Who are you living with right now?
5) How long ago did she move out to NYC?
6) Is she dating other men on weeknights?
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Response by no_slogan
over 14 years ago
Posts: 23
Member since: Dec 2010
Dealboy – It’s irrelevant to the discussion, but sure, I’ll add some details. I’m a bit tired, so I’m going to be lazy and just bullet point it.
- We met in NYC when I lived there
- She’s from a European country and it was always her ambition to live in Manhattan
- She proposed that we live together
- I feel the city is best enjoyed while single or not in a serious relationship, so I proposed that we move to CT so that I’d be close to work and save a decent amount in taxes; I’m considering caving on this point
- GF realizes that she dislikes yuppies and misses the cultural offerings the city offers; realizes that she didn't move from Europe to live in the CT suburbs
- We get a studio in the UWS; she lives there full-time and is a NY resident again; I go there when I feel like it; she comes to CT when she feels like it
Sunday – the risks weren’t presented in any particular order and they obviously aren’t all inclusive. Also, as I mentioned, I prefer city life over suburban life but I’m having a hard time justifying the costs. Is it really worth 8% of my salary and two hours of my time commuting? That’s the question that I’m posing and no one has convinced me that it is.
aboutready – that is an accurate read on what I’m asking.
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Response by buyerbewareNYC
over 14 years ago
Posts: 13
Member since: Jun 2011
City life is expensive. Two hours commuting is ridiculous. Stay where you are, find a fellow rich yuppie in Ct, and give up and let her have her fun in NYC. if you're new to the city(like she sounds like she is), it's all about going out, partying, and getting as much action as you possibly can. You can follow her back to the city, but she's clearly chosen party life over relationship. So, what's her profession? Let me guess, bartender/something in the service industry??
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Response by dealboy
over 14 years ago
Posts: 528
Member since: Jan 2011
Slogan, it's not entirely irrelevant. Bear with me.
And you didn't really answer the questions!
1) How long did she last in CT?
2) When did she move back to the studio?
3) Was she commuting from CT to NYC for work? Did she hate the commute also?
4) What is your approx. age?
5) Do most of your co-workers live in CT?
6) Who is paying for the studio? Is it all her?
7) How often does she come to CT? Be specific.
8) How long were you dating before you moved to CT?
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Response by lucillebluth
over 14 years ago
Posts: 2631
Member since: May 2010
ok, now it sounds like the girlfriend may be taking advantage of op. you are now no longer living together and just see eachother when you feel like it. that's great! why are you paying her rent?
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Response by lucillebluth
over 14 years ago
Posts: 2631
Member since: May 2010
oh right, but back to the point. no, you shouldn't buy an apartment.
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Response by lucillebluth
over 14 years ago
Posts: 2631
Member since: May 2010
ok, so it's clear why he didn't want to give any details. because he already knows he's being hustled and he didn't want everyone to point it out to him. she is probably an exotic and interesting girl and you probably think she's worth it, but it's not right for her to let you support her city lifestyle. if that's what she wants she has to accept some realities about herself and go after men who can easily give her what she wants. not take advantage of some nice young guy who can't really afford to be a sugardaddy. and that she does do this, is a really bad sign for your relationship going forward.
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Response by NieuwAmsterdam
over 14 years ago
Posts: 5
Member since: Sep 2007
No_slogan, you should have told us from the start that your GF is a European visitor to our shores who has always aspired to live in Manhattan.
What is her immigration status? Does she have a greencard? I'd assumed she was a garden-variety golddigger, but this puts your situation in a whole new light.
Luckily for you, I can answer your ultimate question without any further info.
>Is it really worth 8% of my salary and two hours of my time commuting?
NO!
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Response by NieuwAmsterdam
over 14 years ago
Posts: 5
Member since: Sep 2007
cont'd from above
If you have to ask, it's *not* worth it. See your European friend on weekends. She has achieved her life goal of living in Manhattan, so she is happy and fulfilled. If she changes her mind and wants to live with you, I assume your door is open for now in CT. Seriously, if your were offered your dream job at 3X your current comp but it was in Boston instead of NY Metro, would she dump you if you took it? If so, is she what you need in a long-term romantic partner? Think about it.
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Response by dealboy
over 14 years ago
Posts: 528
Member since: Jan 2011
Slogan, I am still hoping for answers to my list of questions. I am not here to judge you, and totally was with you in terms of your original logic (can't believe people bashed you for reducing her rent, you "selfish jerk"). I am not saying you are being taken advantage of either, like L is now saying. I am trying to reach my own conclusions, in order to give you my optimal answer.
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Response by dealboy
over 14 years ago
Posts: 528
Member since: Jan 2011
These were not answered from batch #1:
1) Where does your girlfriend currently work? (NY or CT)
2) Was she commuting to NYC for work?
4) Who are you living with right now?
5) How long ago did she move out to NYC?
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Response by midtowner
over 14 years ago
Posts: 100
Member since: Jul 2009
american men are so full of themselves that they never see the obvious. the european girl has somebody else. wake up.
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Response by lucillebluth
over 14 years ago
Posts: 2631
Member since: May 2010
it's not because he is american. he's not seeing the obvious because he cares about her. it's not right that she's playing with someone's feelings like that. she should do that with a man who knows the score. and it's not because she's european, it's because this is her character.
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Response by midtowner
over 14 years ago
Posts: 100
Member since: Jul 2009
you may be right. but someone should let him know.
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Response by Sunday
over 14 years ago
Posts: 1607
Member since: Sep 2009
no_slogan: "the risks weren’t presented in any particular order and they obviously aren’t all inclusive."
Of course it was in a particular order. Do you know how hard it would be to actually have it come out randomly? Yes, the list is obviously not inclusive, but it is also not random.
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Response by aboutready
over 14 years ago
Posts: 16354
Member since: Oct 2007
sunday, there are only two risks listed.
hell, people who are married should probably consider their divorce risk before they buy.
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Response by Sunday
over 14 years ago
Posts: 1607
Member since: Sep 2009
"there are only two risks listed."
What does that tell you? You think it was purely random?
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Response by aboutready
over 14 years ago
Posts: 16354
Member since: Oct 2007
Well, perhaps the cessation of the mortgage deduction seems less likely, or due to the amt wouldn't have as great an effect. who knows. my point is that you don't know, i don't, and I'll grant you it's possible the op doesn't. it just seems remarkable to me that so many people are willing to presume so much based on so little info.
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Response by Sunday
over 14 years ago
Posts: 1607
Member since: Sep 2009
"hell, people who are married should probably consider their divorce risk before they buy."
People who are married tend to buy together. Whether he admits it or not, he is thinking about buying mainly because of her. That is the big red flag here.
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Response by aboutready
over 14 years ago
Posts: 16354
Member since: Oct 2007
actually he is thinking that he should not buy because of her
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Response by Sunday
over 14 years ago
Posts: 1607
Member since: Sep 2009
just like he really want us to convince him to buy...
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Response by aboutready
over 14 years ago
Posts: 16354
Member since: Oct 2007
well, he's pretty much said that he can't think of any compelling reason to do so, and that we haven't provided anything to change his opinion.
I have no vested interest here, obviously, but it amuses me, this urbanbaby type of response. he may be as big an asshole as dwayne (doubtful), his girlfriend may be a golddigging green-card-seeking manipulator. but who the fuck knows any of this?
I agree there is room for questioning. obviously it isn't possible to answer his question with the info given, and it is a bit much for him to ask us to do so on a purely p&l basis (to quote na who made a very good point). but to presume that he is looking for some justification for being taken for the proverbial ride seems a bit much
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Response by Sunday
over 14 years ago
Posts: 1607
Member since: Sep 2009
"to presume that he is looking for some justification for being taken for the proverbial ride seems a bit much"
You got that from my comments?
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Response by lucillebluth
over 14 years ago
Posts: 2631
Member since: May 2010
"midtowner
about 2 hours ago
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you may be right. but someone should let him know."
didn't we just do that?
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Response by aboutready
over 14 years ago
Posts: 16354
Member since: Oct 2007
sunday, I think he just really would have been happy for us to tell him that it makes no sense. that's what he was looking for, a you go guy, damn straight, stupid idea sort of thing. obviously he is somewhat conflicted, but if I had to guess I'd say there's not a terribly high chance he will buy for her.
your comment that he's crying out for help, standing on the edge, may have misled me. it seems as though you're trying to impart a number of messages. i think the simple answer is that he is not ready to buy in NYC, for her or not.
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Response by lucillebluth
over 14 years ago
Posts: 2631
Member since: May 2010
"You got that from my comments?"
no, she got that from my comments, but she's like not talking to me for some reason.
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Response by aboutready
over 14 years ago
Posts: 16354
Member since: Oct 2007
"OP is the one crying out for help. He's telling us to convince him to buy, when he really want us to convince him not to."
that's what i got from sunday's comments. which is sunday's comment. he's a guy. he's looking for us to tell him his decision is rational, but i highly doubt he'd take any comments to the contrary to heart. so he's just using us, so to speak. venting. looking for affirmation, which he already confirmed.
lucille, no, i wasn't responding to your comments actually, although it may have seemed so. i was responding generally to all of the people who seemed so willing to impute certain motives from very little info. it may be fun, but it may also be highly inaccurate (or not, who knows).
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Response by Sunday
over 14 years ago
Posts: 1607
Member since: Sep 2009
People buy even when the numbers favor renting. Throw "love" in the equation, and people do even more silly things. OP appears to be an intelligent guy and his rational side already knows that he should not buy, but his heart is making him consider buying. His rational side want us to him suppress his heart. If he had asked us to convince him not to buy, most would be calling him an idiot. So he ask us to convince him to buy, knowing he'll still get the help that way.
Yes, this is fun!
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Response by huntersburg
over 14 years ago
Posts: 11329
Member since: Nov 2010
>People buy even when the numbers favor renting. Throw "love" in the equation
LOVE is one of the most popular passwords on people's voicemail.
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Response by lucillebluth
over 14 years ago
Posts: 2631
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"LOVE is one of the most popular passwords on people's voicemail."
oh good to know
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Response by buyerbuyer
over 14 years ago
Posts: 707
Member since: Jan 2010
Apt23 this guy posted a perfectly reasonable description of some issues he is thinking through and you responded, not on the merits of the issues, but with absurd over-the-top personal attacks, including "ou are clearly not a noble being". Do you not realize how inappropriate that was???? Seriously, you concluded that he is not a "noble being" because he was going to get some contribution from his gf, something many people have done.
And, oblivious to the screaming irony, in the same post you wrote "Actually rather stupid to think it out loud, let alone put it in print." That applies to plenty of your hysterica infected postings, including the one above.
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Response by buyerbuyer
over 14 years ago
Posts: 707
Member since: Jan 2010
In regard to the OP, what's the game plan if you gf goes away.
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Response by huntersburg
over 14 years ago
Posts: 11329
Member since: Nov 2010
apt23 is your typical hysterical meddler.
Her nobility extends to the time when she called the police and made false statements that her husband was buying an illegal firearm in order to menace (or worse) her neighbor. Her husband was doing no such thing, but she was able to then convince the police to go harass the neighbor for something that they previously said had no illegality.
Don't believe me? Search streeteasy - she said it.
Tomorrow we'll get some pollyanna post from her on NY real estate or an invitation for w67thstreet to go through her backdoor. And she claims that Miami is her primary residence.
Op is opposed to buying, believes he/she is right and looking to shoot down arguments
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Response by buyerbuyer
over 14 years ago
Posts: 707
Member since: Jan 2010
This ultra-wacko posting by Apt23 (from the thread above) -- in response to a guy who said his girlfriend would contribute something each month when living with him -- is too good not to reprise.
"Actually rather stupid to think it out loud, let alone put it in print. If I were your girlfriend, I would leave you on the basis of this comment alone."
"That is abominable. Have you no shame? If she is the one, you need to treat her with respect, not as some financial cash cow on your self-involved financial plan."
"Let her keep her own apartment so she is not destitute when you decide your ultimate financial/living arrangements without her."
" You are clearly not a noble being."
" If you are secure in your moral ground, why don't you let her read this thread."
"And btw, it is extreme hubris to challenge a professional like Ali who kindly offered free advice from countless real estate closings at co-ops in NY. But, really. Good luck to you. "
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Response by huntersburg
over 14 years ago
Posts: 11329
Member since: Nov 2010
Apt23 called the police and said that her husband was buying an illegal gun. The only problem was, he wasn't doing anything of the sort.
But yet on streeteasy, the forum in which she said the above, she has some credibility??
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Response by dealboy
over 14 years ago
Posts: 528
Member since: Jan 2011
Any update from no-slogan?
I want to hear about your ex-girlfriend's new boyfriend.
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Response by huntersburg
over 14 years ago
Posts: 11329
Member since: Nov 2010
Who / what is no-slogan?
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Response by huntersburg
over 14 years ago
Posts: 11329
Member since: Nov 2010
oh I see. Ignore me.
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Response by Brooks2
over 14 years ago
Posts: 2970
Member since: Aug 2011
wish i had time to actually read all of this thread. at a glance it looked pretty comical and entertaining.. kind of like Jersey Shore
'/%3e%3c/g%3e%3c/svg%3e)
ar, the girlfriend is not following him here and sharing the fun. the girlfriend has moved out of the place they used to share and the time they now spend together is limited to the weekends. we can only assume this arrangement was her wish, and op has stated the reason for considering this purchase being his own wish to "follow her here". i don't know. it just doesn't really sound as fun, carefree, and romantic as your story. it sounds kind of creepy. plus he won't answer any questions about the relationship, after including it into the equation. he says he stays over on the weekends. is she aware of his presence in her new home during this time? or has he made a duplicate key in order to enter her appartment at night to watch over her while she sleeps and organize her closet while wearing nothing but her bra and underwear? important questions that need answers, ar.
actually, sunday, i think he's pretty well already convinced himself not to. i read this as a request for affirmation. the convince me is more of a dare in my estimation. or that's how i read it.
maybe the question arose because the gf suggested he move to NYC, but that wouldn't necessitate buying. whether or not he can tolerate a long commute in the name of love/lust is his call. people have been commuting to new jersey, westchester, and long island for years.
ah: that was a summer vacation that lasted two years, involved four countries, two city-states, three apartments, two summer homes, twenty-two "real" friends, and four jobs. but no dogs peeing on trees.
after the response here i'm not sure i'd hang around to discuss the relationship either.
The OP, lije just about everyone else, came here to be abused, and to see if he could last long enough to eventually be an abuser. It takes a few months - this winter shortly after I joined, aboutready said something nasty to me, and now look at me, I created that vacation thread and its working like a charm. The OP just has to stick it out a bit longer and collect details on others and then if he's any good, out to be able to turn that shit around ...
Lije = like. Stupid virtual keyboard.
aboutready, I interpretted alanhart's message as jokingly implying that you just came back from the "summer vacation" a couple of days ago.
my foot is asleep
i just worte myself an email. how funny!
sunday, on the ar vacation thread romary recently noted that my summer vacation summary was rather banal. so was the "summer vacation report" i just gave for my overseas living experience. i am loathe to direct anyone to the ar vacation thread, but my comment might make more sense after reading. sorry, went off-topic for a moment there.
but who knows the inner workings of ah's mind?
>after the response here i'm not sure i'd hang around to discuss the relationship either.
Tru 'dat.
He hasn't said anything about the relationship except to declare that GF is a "keeper" after explaining that she moved out of the CT rental to NYC. And yet he's really looking for relationship advice disguised as a request for a real estate discussion.
Bottom line: he wants to live with her but we don't know what she wants from him. It's either a ring or a gentle, "still friends" break-up. I'd assume it's the latter except for his certainty that she would live in the co-op with him. And if she's looking for a ring, she played a classic move, one that btw worked very well for my sister, among others I know. If he wants to stay together, he'll propose. Otherwise, if she wants to get married she should cut him loose and look elsewhere.
@AR, your life as an expat sounds like a romantic adventure, but we shouldn't compare your choices with those of the OP and his GF. You followed your heart regardless of convention; he's running a public P&L analysis on his love life. If his GF knows about this thread, I doubt she is happy.
Thanks lucille, I did receive it.
Where the hell is OP? At some job?
Com'on, I'm waiting for the answers to my questions.
Also, OP is right.
He's cutting her rent in HALF,
yet he's the asshole and jerk.
I just love people. Logic is so rare.
um, dealboy, the girlfriend might have half rent, but she's not able to build up psychic equity
i meant psychic energy
or whatever apt23's usually ridiculous point was about the girlfriend.
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lucille, you should try this on columbiacounty. You'll need something like "the beauty of upstate new york" then you can get going on the beautiful scenery and how George Pataki's commercials used to be great (to lure alanhart in) and how we should get the Olympics again. Wait a couple of days (maybe Monday after a nice weekend) and use one of our other streeteasy posting names.
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lucille, you should try this on columbiacounty. You'll need something like "the beauty of upstate new york" then you can get going on the beautiful scenery and how George Pataki's commercials used to be great (to lure alanhart in) and how we should get the Olympics again. Wait a couple of days (maybe Monday after a nice weekend) and use one of our other streeteasy posting names.
no_slogan, can you please fill us in on the backstory?
I am not certain this relationship is even solid. I don't know of a woman who moves out of a shared apt with intents to keep dating the guy. Also, no_slogan has consistently avoided answering the question "Do you plan to marry her?" There are glaring omissions in this story.
1) Where does your girlfriend currently work? (NY or CT)
2) Was she living with you in CT? If yes, was she commuting to NYC for work?
3) What made her move to NYC without you?
4) Who are you living with right now?
5) How long ago did she move out to NYC?
6) Is she dating other men on weeknights?
Dealboy – It’s irrelevant to the discussion, but sure, I’ll add some details. I’m a bit tired, so I’m going to be lazy and just bullet point it.
- We met in NYC when I lived there
- She’s from a European country and it was always her ambition to live in Manhattan
- She proposed that we live together
- I feel the city is best enjoyed while single or not in a serious relationship, so I proposed that we move to CT so that I’d be close to work and save a decent amount in taxes; I’m considering caving on this point
- GF realizes that she dislikes yuppies and misses the cultural offerings the city offers; realizes that she didn't move from Europe to live in the CT suburbs
- We get a studio in the UWS; she lives there full-time and is a NY resident again; I go there when I feel like it; she comes to CT when she feels like it
Sunday – the risks weren’t presented in any particular order and they obviously aren’t all inclusive. Also, as I mentioned, I prefer city life over suburban life but I’m having a hard time justifying the costs. Is it really worth 8% of my salary and two hours of my time commuting? That’s the question that I’m posing and no one has convinced me that it is.
aboutready – that is an accurate read on what I’m asking.
City life is expensive. Two hours commuting is ridiculous. Stay where you are, find a fellow rich yuppie in Ct, and give up and let her have her fun in NYC. if you're new to the city(like she sounds like she is), it's all about going out, partying, and getting as much action as you possibly can. You can follow her back to the city, but she's clearly chosen party life over relationship. So, what's her profession? Let me guess, bartender/something in the service industry??
Slogan, it's not entirely irrelevant. Bear with me.
And you didn't really answer the questions!
1) How long did she last in CT?
2) When did she move back to the studio?
3) Was she commuting from CT to NYC for work? Did she hate the commute also?
4) What is your approx. age?
5) Do most of your co-workers live in CT?
6) Who is paying for the studio? Is it all her?
7) How often does she come to CT? Be specific.
8) How long were you dating before you moved to CT?
ok, now it sounds like the girlfriend may be taking advantage of op. you are now no longer living together and just see eachother when you feel like it. that's great! why are you paying her rent?
oh right, but back to the point. no, you shouldn't buy an apartment.
ok, so it's clear why he didn't want to give any details. because he already knows he's being hustled and he didn't want everyone to point it out to him. she is probably an exotic and interesting girl and you probably think she's worth it, but it's not right for her to let you support her city lifestyle. if that's what she wants she has to accept some realities about herself and go after men who can easily give her what she wants. not take advantage of some nice young guy who can't really afford to be a sugardaddy. and that she does do this, is a really bad sign for your relationship going forward.
No_slogan, you should have told us from the start that your GF is a European visitor to our shores who has always aspired to live in Manhattan.
What is her immigration status? Does she have a greencard? I'd assumed she was a garden-variety golddigger, but this puts your situation in a whole new light.
Luckily for you, I can answer your ultimate question without any further info.
>Is it really worth 8% of my salary and two hours of my time commuting?
NO!
cont'd from above
If you have to ask, it's *not* worth it. See your European friend on weekends. She has achieved her life goal of living in Manhattan, so she is happy and fulfilled. If she changes her mind and wants to live with you, I assume your door is open for now in CT. Seriously, if your were offered your dream job at 3X your current comp but it was in Boston instead of NY Metro, would she dump you if you took it? If so, is she what you need in a long-term romantic partner? Think about it.
Slogan, I am still hoping for answers to my list of questions. I am not here to judge you, and totally was with you in terms of your original logic (can't believe people bashed you for reducing her rent, you "selfish jerk"). I am not saying you are being taken advantage of either, like L is now saying. I am trying to reach my own conclusions, in order to give you my optimal answer.
These were not answered from batch #1:
1) Where does your girlfriend currently work? (NY or CT)
2) Was she commuting to NYC for work?
4) Who are you living with right now?
5) How long ago did she move out to NYC?
american men are so full of themselves that they never see the obvious. the european girl has somebody else. wake up.
it's not because he is american. he's not seeing the obvious because he cares about her. it's not right that she's playing with someone's feelings like that. she should do that with a man who knows the score. and it's not because she's european, it's because this is her character.
you may be right. but someone should let him know.
no_slogan: "the risks weren’t presented in any particular order and they obviously aren’t all inclusive."
Of course it was in a particular order. Do you know how hard it would be to actually have it come out randomly? Yes, the list is obviously not inclusive, but it is also not random.
sunday, there are only two risks listed.
hell, people who are married should probably consider their divorce risk before they buy.
"there are only two risks listed."
What does that tell you? You think it was purely random?
Well, perhaps the cessation of the mortgage deduction seems less likely, or due to the amt wouldn't have as great an effect. who knows. my point is that you don't know, i don't, and I'll grant you it's possible the op doesn't. it just seems remarkable to me that so many people are willing to presume so much based on so little info.
"hell, people who are married should probably consider their divorce risk before they buy."
People who are married tend to buy together. Whether he admits it or not, he is thinking about buying mainly because of her. That is the big red flag here.
actually he is thinking that he should not buy because of her
just like he really want us to convince him to buy...
well, he's pretty much said that he can't think of any compelling reason to do so, and that we haven't provided anything to change his opinion.
I have no vested interest here, obviously, but it amuses me, this urbanbaby type of response. he may be as big an asshole as dwayne (doubtful), his girlfriend may be a golddigging green-card-seeking manipulator. but who the fuck knows any of this?
I agree there is room for questioning. obviously it isn't possible to answer his question with the info given, and it is a bit much for him to ask us to do so on a purely p&l basis (to quote na who made a very good point). but to presume that he is looking for some justification for being taken for the proverbial ride seems a bit much
"to presume that he is looking for some justification for being taken for the proverbial ride seems a bit much"
You got that from my comments?
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you may be right. but someone should let him know."
didn't we just do that?
sunday, I think he just really would have been happy for us to tell him that it makes no sense. that's what he was looking for, a you go guy, damn straight, stupid idea sort of thing. obviously he is somewhat conflicted, but if I had to guess I'd say there's not a terribly high chance he will buy for her.
your comment that he's crying out for help, standing on the edge, may have misled me. it seems as though you're trying to impart a number of messages. i think the simple answer is that he is not ready to buy in NYC, for her or not.
"You got that from my comments?"
no, she got that from my comments, but she's like not talking to me for some reason.
"OP is the one crying out for help. He's telling us to convince him to buy, when he really want us to convince him not to."
that's what i got from sunday's comments. which is sunday's comment. he's a guy. he's looking for us to tell him his decision is rational, but i highly doubt he'd take any comments to the contrary to heart. so he's just using us, so to speak. venting. looking for affirmation, which he already confirmed.
lucille, no, i wasn't responding to your comments actually, although it may have seemed so. i was responding generally to all of the people who seemed so willing to impute certain motives from very little info. it may be fun, but it may also be highly inaccurate (or not, who knows).
People buy even when the numbers favor renting. Throw "love" in the equation, and people do even more silly things. OP appears to be an intelligent guy and his rational side already knows that he should not buy, but his heart is making him consider buying. His rational side want us to him suppress his heart. If he had asked us to convince him not to buy, most would be calling him an idiot. So he ask us to convince him to buy, knowing he'll still get the help that way.
Yes, this is fun!
>People buy even when the numbers favor renting. Throw "love" in the equation
LOVE is one of the most popular passwords on people's voicemail.
"LOVE is one of the most popular passwords on people's voicemail."
oh good to know
Apt23 this guy posted a perfectly reasonable description of some issues he is thinking through and you responded, not on the merits of the issues, but with absurd over-the-top personal attacks, including "ou are clearly not a noble being". Do you not realize how inappropriate that was???? Seriously, you concluded that he is not a "noble being" because he was going to get some contribution from his gf, something many people have done.
And, oblivious to the screaming irony, in the same post you wrote "Actually rather stupid to think it out loud, let alone put it in print." That applies to plenty of your hysterica infected postings, including the one above.
In regard to the OP, what's the game plan if you gf goes away.
apt23 is your typical hysterical meddler.
Her nobility extends to the time when she called the police and made false statements that her husband was buying an illegal firearm in order to menace (or worse) her neighbor. Her husband was doing no such thing, but she was able to then convince the police to go harass the neighbor for something that they previously said had no illegality.
Don't believe me? Search streeteasy - she said it.
Tomorrow we'll get some pollyanna post from her on NY real estate or an invitation for w67thstreet to go through her backdoor. And she claims that Miami is her primary residence.
http://streeteasy.com/nyc/talk/discussion/25684-w-67s-prediction-come-to-pass-thru-the-backdoor
50 posts. NONE in agreement with apt23.
No-slogan ???
Op is opposed to buying, believes he/she is right and looking to shoot down arguments
This ultra-wacko posting by Apt23 (from the thread above) -- in response to a guy who said his girlfriend would contribute something each month when living with him -- is too good not to reprise.
"Actually rather stupid to think it out loud, let alone put it in print. If I were your girlfriend, I would leave you on the basis of this comment alone."
"That is abominable. Have you no shame? If she is the one, you need to treat her with respect, not as some financial cash cow on your self-involved financial plan."
"Let her keep her own apartment so she is not destitute when you decide your ultimate financial/living arrangements without her."
" You are clearly not a noble being."
" If you are secure in your moral ground, why don't you let her read this thread."
"And btw, it is extreme hubris to challenge a professional like Ali who kindly offered free advice from countless real estate closings at co-ops in NY. But, really. Good luck to you. "
Apt23 called the police and said that her husband was buying an illegal gun. The only problem was, he wasn't doing anything of the sort.
But yet on streeteasy, the forum in which she said the above, she has some credibility??
Any update from no-slogan?
I want to hear about your ex-girlfriend's new boyfriend.
Who / what is no-slogan?
oh I see. Ignore me.
wish i had time to actually read all of this thread. at a glance it looked pretty comical and entertaining.. kind of like Jersey Shore
NO, however if you figure it out let me know.