Dumb things said by brokers

Broker, "It has a view of the water".
Me (in my head), "Yeah if you hang me out the window and hold my ankles, maybe...".

I get a kick out of listings like this: "Subway on corner, 1 or 9 local."

How long has it been since the 9 ran?

"we're going to wait till the market bottoms before we make any offers on apartments we like"....wait, that was said by stupid clients, not their agents. sorry, must have gotten confused....

"i know the real estate market in nyc better than you do, after all, i am a dentist with a house in nassau county"

wait, sorry, stupid fucking clients again, NOT their agents. sorry!

Jim, is that what clients say to the other brokers who are in the sales market?

What do your renters tell you?

"i know what my apartment is worth because I spent 250,000 dollars putting rose gold fixtures into the bathroom and i expect to at least double what i invested"

wait,,,,sorry, i must have the wrong thread. stupid mother fucking clients again.

Jim, exactly what IS your mother up to these days?

Here's a good one,

I have a full cash offer over asking price.

I also love how elastic the upper limit of the Upper West Side is. To many brokers the UWS doesn't stop at 100th or 110th or even 200th but ends somewhere just south of Poughkeepsie.

feelfine
13 minutes ago
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I also love how elastic the upper limit of the Upper West Side is. To many brokers the UWS doesn't stop at 100th or 110th or even 200th but ends somewhere just south of Poughkeepsie.

that's kind of like when clients say "of course I can prove to the board that I can afford this apartment. I'm a BUSINESS MAN!"

loveson
about 3 hours ago
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Here's a good one,

I have a full cash offer over asking price.

what's stupid about that? the listing agent's job is to get the best offer they can for their client, not make you feel good dipshit.

Brokers talk different than everyone else in America when it comes to walkups. A first floor apartment means it's on the second floor and there's a flight of steps. A fifth floor apartment means it's on the sixth floor and up five flights.

feelfine
10 minutes ago
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Brokers talk different than everyone else in America when it comes to walkups. A first floor apartment means it's on the second floor and there's a flight of steps. A fifth floor apartment means it's on the sixth floor and up five flights.

it's someone's fault that the best you can do in life is live in a shitty tenement?

>it's someone's fault that the best you can do in life is live in a shitty tenement?

Or having to marry an illegal alien in order to get free housekeeping.