How depressed are you?

2 choices? I'm not depressed at all. Lucky to live in one of the great cities of the world. Eat healthily, sleep well, have a happy family.

if you're only semi-miserable, you are not sick and don't need drugs, it's just your personality. only extreme, crippling swings which genuinely affect your life and relationships should be medicated. you're just sad about your dog. mourn the old fashioned way - drink and be sad until you're not sad anymore.

and i'm so sorry about your loss, pets are dear and loyal friends.

Do you exercise regularly? Cardio is best. It makes a significant difference in your overall well-being.

For routine depression, they did a study comparing the benefits of regular exercise and standard anti-depressant medications and the exercise worked as well as the drugs.

As for me, I'm a fan of outdoor exercise - I'm not a treadmill type of guy - especially if done in a "natural" surrounding. Some recent studies have suggesting that getting outdoors in natural surroundings can also help a lot of people.

yes, cardio is the trick. but it depends on your state. ears plugging, unusual allergy symptoms, depression, anxiety? you need moderate to mid-high level exercise for at LEAST one hour a day.

hey, dogismy, i'd love to do some walks. let me know if you're game.

Yep, ditto exercise. It's a beautiful time of the year in NY.

Dogismy: Things do get better. I promise.

Losing a beloved pet is a tragic loss from which one suffers REAL grief. In fact loss of loved ones with two legs and four paws are very much the same. In some cases it can be even more intense if you have lived alone with a pet and had day to day companionship with him/him. The problem is when you lose a human loved one, in most cases you are receive a lot of support from colleagues and friends: bereavement leave, visits, cakes, cards etc. When the loved one was canine or feline you'll likely to get a "hey I'm sorry to hear about (your cat or dog). How 'bout them Yankees."

People who are actively mourning a dog or cat are not encouraged to speak about it or "dwell" on it so they tend to hurt in silence.
Time will help but I would urge you if you don't start to feel better to consider medication and also a Pet Loss Support Group. There is one at the Animal Medical Center and I believe St Francis Church has one as well.

ok, drinking is not the best advice. but he's talking about taking medication that changes the chemical functions of his brain to deal with a temporary pain, which is drastic and extreme. exercise and a support network will probably work better.

"I feel that life is divided into the horrible and the miserable. That's the two categories. The horrible are like, I don't know, terminal cases, you know, and blind people, crippled. I don't know how they get through life. It's amazing to me. And the miserable is everyone else. So you should be thankful that you're miserable, because that's very lucky, to be miserable."

--Alvy Singer

Thanks, alan, that was uplifting.

My suggestion: do activities that require focus to take your mind of things. Being sad and replaying the same thoughts over and over can be exhausting.

1) exercise (i've been on the drugs and exercise really does work just as well)
2) help others (maybe volunteer). get the focus off yourself, though do give yourself time to grieve. it's essential.

i'm so sorry for your loss.

and by exercise i mean outside, around others, not home alone on a treadmill. fresh air is good for your head. don't isolate yourself (even though it may be all you want to do). i'm sorry you aren't feeling well. it's hard.

I agree with the exercise especially outside, get that heart rate up and the endorphins pumping through the body! Long mindful walks where you take focused steps and concentrate on your breath as you draw it in and it passes out. Jon Kabatt-Zinn has some wonderful books on meditation...
http://rainbowsbridge.com/ This site is all about support for those who have lost there beloved pet.

last year this happened to me. if people told me to exercise i would have punched them in the face. (i know you are all wonderful and trying to help i am just expressing what i know i felt.) frankly i needed the time to grieve. i also made a conscious effort to focus on all the positive memories. like how wonderful the time we had was. and how happy her life was when she was here. sure you can get to things like exercise and such. but don't rush in some bid to feel "normal". you are allowed to be sad. if it is truly crippling see a doctor. but if it is truly deep sadness allow yourself to feel it so it will eventually lessen with each day.

and the trying to help others suggestion is really worth the effort in my experience

It is beautiful outside. If you are at all by Riverside Park, take a walk on the promenade bit between 79th & 94th. The 2 flower beds are very pretty right now, and there aren't too many kiddies in their giant strollers to annoy you.

jasonkyle, there is grief and there is depression. exercise is not intended to eliminate grief, but rather to prevent clinical depression. anti-depressants/anxiety drugs have transformed the lives of many. but they are not without their own set of issues and many would prefer to avoid them.

yeah ar i am someone who knows them both very very well. and telling someone who is newly grieving or someone who is clinically depressed to exercise can just sound like the talk of a crazy person when you are truly "in it". the suggestion to just take a walk is the best i've heard. and to try and focus on others.

and as i said i am just expressing how i know i felt when people tried to offer "helpful suggestions". the best responses i got were the ones that were like "hey it sucks, but it will get better with time". "get on a treadmill" was not one of my favorites.

lizyank sounds like she knows where i am coming from.

third way: it is better to sit on the sofa and read P.J. O'Rourke (I'd recommend either "Modern Manners" or "Age and Guile" to start) and eat cookies (mallomars are a little out-of-season now, but they'd be preferred).

feel better

ali

jasonkyle, i was hospitalized for depression. i'm the last person to trivialize it. but semi-miserable is not severly depressed (and those are the words of the OP). i know full well how semi-miserable can become severely depressed. there are some preventative measures that can help halt the progression from one to the next, and it is well-documented that exercise works for many people.

it currently keeps me off the drugs. it may not be the answer for you, or dogismy, but it certainly wasn't intended to be a pat, smug response. it actually does work for many if they are able to find the time and the inclination to do so. once severe clinical depression sets in it would be highly irresponsible not to suggest a visit to the doctor, at that point most solutions will seem unattainable.

ar you know i am a fan of you. i am not trying to get into a debate. i am, as i stated both times, explaining how i feel in these scenarios. none of us knows more than the other. we all just have opinions. i'm glad exercise helps you. it was suggested this person is recently grieving. not down in the dumps. that's where i am coming from with my responses.

and to be honest i wasn't responding to you at all. i just saw keithb's post and know it would have made me nutty if i heard that right after my cat (or my father for that matter) passed away.

i know jason. the only reason i responded as i did was the mention of pharma. pharma is not for grief. so there is some disconnect in the original post, no?

no debate necessary. i think we'd all like to see dogismy feel better, and it is dogismy's choice to listen or ignore at will. i just don't think any of us were trying to minimize what he/she (i strongly suspect she) is going through. and when i was truly depressed i would have told anyone who suggested that walking would cure things to fuck off also, so i do hear where you are coming from.

right, you can't exercise away grief and you certainly shouldn't try. but exercise is an effective way to manage real depression. if one experiences REAL depression after the loss of a loved one, i suspect that depression was just below the surface and something else would have triggered it. if one feels sad after the loss of a loved one (as one absolutely should!) time will help. but, of course, it never goes away no matter how far you run, how many people you help, how much alcohol you drink, etc. it just fu@king hurts.

1. prescription drugs should be avoided at all costs. this is a one-way dead end without an outlet.
try therapy first. i think there should be a law that you cannot have presecription drugs until you have at least tried therapy alone, except for those with serious mental disabilities. don't a victim of the big pharma profit machine.
2. in addition to exercise, eating fruit has been scientifically proven to create immediate feelings of happiness.
3.when my cat died, the guy i was dating took me to north shore animal league to play with all the kittens. this really, really helped!

screw therapy. just throw the phone or raw meat or anything you can get your hands on (not children or pets) up against your wall. much cheaper to replace damaged items and fix the wall then pay for therapy and you'll waste a lot less time. then go for a run.

Dogismy..Here's an idea if and when you are ready. You will get another dog when and if you are ready. You are not "replacing" your lost friend, you would be opening your heart and home to a new adventure with someone totally new and different. In my work with cat adoptions, we have people who look for cats straight from the vets office when their cat passes (we actually don't think this is very healthy) to those who go many years until the time is right.

But in the meantime, how about fostering a needy dog? Here's the premise. You have a home that is dog friendly and used to having the rhythms and routines of a dog. Your foster dog needs a home until s/he is adopted or there is room in an adoption showcase. You can "return" a foster dog at anytime and (as long as you are working with a no kill shelter or rescue group, the ACC also has a foster program I'd be hard pressed to recommend "return" there) no it will come to no harm and still end up in a good home. Fostering is actually a great tool for adoption groups as it allows us to get to know the cat/dogs personality inside a home and with day to day people.

Okay, full disclosure. When my cat died in 2002 I didn't think my house should remain catless (I was living out of town part time so the loneliness was that much worse) but I wasn't ready to adopt again. I signed up to foster and was assigned a slightly plump two year old tabby who didn't like being in a cage. She's staring at me as I write this. Yes people fall in love with their fosters and often keep them, but its not always, its not necessary, its a way for you do feel less lost and help an animal in need as well.

Don't take drugs.

Jason everyone is different and needs varying levels of support, I agree I would not just tell someone to go run around the park and you will be cured! I also offered two other suggestions Zinn's book and rainbow bridge, I know rainbow bridge has been very useful for friends who have lost pets.

AR Glad to hear you dug yourself out of the abyss! Most md's just want to drug you, so it's a long tough struggle to get back to center- glad you made it. You may find this interesting, Zinn (The late Howard Zinns son-in law) wrote this and also started the stress reduction clinic. He's a very interesting guy, Phd. in Molecular biolgy,Hatha yoga teacher for 30 years.
http://www.amazon.com/Full-Catastrophe-Living-Wisdom-Illness/dp/0385303122

Dogis you will get better, just know that. Your beloved animal still lives in your heart and her molecules have just been transformed; so you can see her when you look at a tree or up at a cloud.

Above is KeithB.

I am so sorry for your loss--I have been there and not only is it so devastating, but so many people trivialize your loss and don't allow you to properly grieve. Different things work for different people in getting through a horrible time. But as for your initial question: I have always been against drugs, and I see a few on here are as well. That having been said--IF you feel the blackness is somehow bigger and deeper than you can handle there is no shame in looking into drugs to get you over the hump. Please get help if you feel that the darkness is unmanageable. Alot of us here are do-it-yourselfers, and I am too, but there is a time and a place to bring out the big guns and please dont be ashamed or scared to do so. Best to you.

"Time heals everything
Tuesday
Thursday
Time heals everything
April
August
If I'm patient the break will mend
And one fine morning the hurt will end
So make the moments fly
Autumn
Winter
I'll forget you by
Next year
Some year
Tho' it's hell that I'm going through
Some Tuesday
Thursday
April
August
Autumn
Winter
Next year
Some year
Time heals everything
Time heals everything
But loving you.

So make the moments fly
Autumn
Winter
I'll forget you by
Next year
Some year
Though it's hell that I'm going through
Some Tuesday
Thursday
April August
Autumn winter
Next year
Some year
Time heals everything
Time heals everything
But loving you!"

keith, thanks, i'll look it up. i'm actually the sunniest person, so it hit me by surprise when i had a full-fledged post-partum descent into hell. it took about 4 weeks to go from totally OK to the hospital, where drugs were mandatory. i hated the year i was on paxil. absolutely hated it. but for where i was it was necessary. as PMG wrote, there is a time and a place for self-help. it is important to recognize the signs of serious depression and get help if you are suffering.

as i get older i notice that with any extended period of inactivity my sleep suffers and my mood becomes less sunny. i don't know what would actually happen if i quit making those endorphins sing, but i'm not willing to experiment at this point. luckily i like exercise.

oops, nyg not PMG.

Still using drugs?

Swinging from pole to pole, apparently.

Thanks to all. Hooray for avoiding Big Pharma. I've been trying all the good advice above and i even watched Zoolander which was good for yucks.

I had to put my dog to sleep a week ago. I thought I was handling it ok (he had been in poor health off and on for a year) but tonight I was digging thru my nightstand drawer and found one of his brushes. I lost it. It has been one week today. I took a lot of xanax to get thru the first few days, but nothing takes away missing him. So I know how it is.

Kstiles ----- I feel for you. My dog was ill with cancer for a year. The first month after her death I actually felt OK ---- which only means (I know now) that I was in complete "denial" and also recovering from the exhaustion of tending a sick dog for a year. Then I crashed hard and was depressed for MONTHS!!!! Really, really DEPRESSED, sad, weepy ........
So my point to you: Be aware that you may crash hard in the coming weeks and it may take a long time to recover.
Some people highly recommend getting another dog INSTANTLY but that's not always workable .......

I think this is one of the most sincere threads I've seen on streeteasy in a long time, and I applaud everyone who gave honest responses. I personally like to focus on hobbies when I'm depressed. There's always a million things that I want to do but never seem to get around to. When I'm sad -- it seems like a good space to actually do one of those million things, and get good at it. It pulls me out of the funk every time.

Dogismy - thank you, and I am sorry for your loss too. Its odd because I had two dogs, when my first one had to be put down it happened withine 24 hrs (one night she was acting really weird, I took her to AMC and the next morning she had gone into a coma). I was a huge MESS for months and couldn't mention her name without crying for at least 6 months. Taking care of a sick animal really ties you down, I was doing monthly vet visits and administering medicine twice a day. He was a barky dog so I held off moving while he was still with me. In a way it is a small relief but the huge sense of loss and missing his presence is still there. It is interesting to read everyone's way of dealing with depression or getting out of a funk. I have fought depression for most of my adult life, sometimes pharmaceuticals are the only way out of it. But yes, I have (and am currently) also using exercise, keeping busy with friends, drinking and flirting. :) Getting another dog is not an option for me (i really work too long of hours to have a dog and it wouldn't replace missing him anyways).

Kstiles...Have you ever thought about a cat (sorry I can't help myself). They are perfect for people who work long hours and, contrary to myth, can be equal in response and affection to a dog. You could start by fostering and see how it goes.

Liz - I have thought about that. I am considering in the future either fostering kittens or maybe I'd adopted an older (declawed) cat. More than likely I will just volunteer at a shelter or at Bide-a-Wee. I love animals so at some point they will be back in my life.

We have a twelve year old black lab that is loosing it. He’s has been messing in the house for some time and has bad arthritis. We got a snoodle last year to prepare so that when the lab goes we will have a dog that has been around a while and learnt from the older one.

Before the lab I had a bernese mountain dog that died of cancer at 8 years. He went about a month after the diagnosis. I took a picture of him and me with a timer a few days before he was put down. It’s one of my favorite pictures and I have it on my desk.

I know that when it’s time it will be really tough. I can’t even talk about it without getting chocked up and I don’t know how it will affect us after he’s gone but I think having the snoodle will be a start.

BTW, snoodles are awesome!

what is a snoodle? schnauzer and poodle? My toy poodle (who just passed) saw me thru the 2 other biggest losses in my life thus far..the death of my Maltese in '06 and the worst breakup I ever had in '08. When my maltese died in 06 I took comfort with my poodle because I got them both within a year of each other and he was missing her too (probably more out of not having another dog to torment than anything else). I think its harder when you lose the ONLY pet you have. In the beginning I thought a sudden death, like the one I went thru the my first dog was a lot harder but now i realize that dealing with a sick animal for a long time is harder.

yes, snoodle is schnauzer/poodle mix. He's one year old and 16 lbs, very smart and cute and knows it.

If you have a child and get depressed about it and need to be put in a mental facility, are you a good parent?

Should someone taking mind altering drugs be allowed to parent, or even have a pet?

Mngmist, whatever nasty you are a cover name for, do you have an ideas what you are talking about. Postpartum depression has nothing to do with parenting ability or even baseline mental health. Its the result of hormonal turbulence after the child is born, much in same way that women don't automatically revert to an every 28 days cycle immediately after childbirth. Some cases are mild and some require professional intervention for everyone's sake. In fact one can argue that someone who seeks help is being a better parent than one who "rides it out" and risks harm.

And what do you mean by "mind altering drugs"? Legitimately prescribed antidepressants and mental health drugs which is exactly what makes it possible for more people to be good parents and/or pet parents? Are you talking about pot? I'll assume you never enjoy a glass of wine with dinner or a beer on a hot sunny day. Even heroin addicts and crackheads are capable of being good parents if they can put the needs of the children ahead of their addictions which granted is not easy.

Losing a pet is a heartbreaking experience. for everyone here who lost a pet, my deepest sympathy. Your pet knew how much you loved him/her. The only silver lining is that if you choose to, you can give a loving home to another animal.
We have a 16 year-old cat and know that someday, maybe sooner than we'd like, we may have to say goodbye. It's VERY hard, but we also realize she's having a wonderful life, and another cat will take her place when that time comes.

Lizyank, is Paxil ok before the childbirth or only after? http://www.mitchellsmithlaw.com/Paxil/