Ideal distance from your in-laws

Same city, different neighborhoods.

we're 20 minutes away by subway and we CAN walk if we feel like it. Perfect.

My preference is to be anywhere across an international border from each other. When visiting I have long since enacted the five day rule, which is strictly enforced.

Same borough different neighborhoods. Also, try for same side of the island if it is Manhattan. Nothing worse than dragging your ass to the LES from the UWS, especially if they are willing to babysit.

I'm with spinny :)

In-laws & parents visit for two 2-3 weeks annually. We go away for the same amount of time (1 month in the summer split between 2 sides).

we no longer have any in-laws, but my ideal, i think, would be to have them serve as the country house. let them have the spread in cold spring, rhinebeck, bedford, with the outdoor pool, tennis courts nearby, etc.

if you have enough room in the city you can have them commute in sometimes to babysit. or come to take care of the kids when you want to go away. as the kids get older, the options are awesome.

That actually sounds quite nice AR, assuming the in-laws go for it.

AR, "as the kids get older" the options are awesome, Yes, but by then you will have no say. If it doesn't happen by 12, it will happen by 15, if not by 15, hopefully your health coverage is generous. BWDIK.

gaongaon, sorry, I don't quite get your comment. by 15? I'd have loved even 10 years of family involvement.

jm, yes you need in-laws or your own parents who you like and who want to spend some time with the kids, but if that's the case it could be very nice.

Not having to fly for the holidays would be ideal.

that question makes me nervous since we ARE the inlaws! we are 30 blocks from one family and 9 blocks from the other and i think that works for all of us. we offer our babysitting services any friday night we are in town and will babysit while they travel anytime. we are here off and on throughout the year so flexibility is necessary if you want our services! and all the kids come down to the 'country house' as you deem to call it in sc during the summer or even for winter break. We are very aware that this is THEIR town and we can't be dependent on them for our social lives and we try to live by this. plus...my daughters in law rock!

rosina, it goes both ways. No reason why this question cannot be from a mother/father-in-law. There are grandparents who are not interested in "regular" babysitting duties. When they live too close, they feel obligated to do so. Therefore, they prefer to live further apart and visit the grandkids when they feel like it.

You're right Sunday but in reality, the parents actually want to be closer and don't usually perceive or anticipate any problems. The kids, i.e. you all, are wise to be aware that it may not be idyllic and actually will require a lot of work and planning on everyone's part. that being said, i love being able to have my adult kids stop by for coffee or drop off their little ones once in a while or come for sunday dinner. it is almost a step back in time when families naturally lived like this.

We have Cases 2 and 5. Both have their advantages. #2 is great when the older generation becomes elderly and starts to need more help. (That's assuming you want to help.)

We have an opportunity coming up to go from #3 (different neighborhood) to #2 (same neighborhood). The travel time savings and lure of good food is very tempting. What do you all think?

We ARE the in-laws and from our point of view 2 & 3 are both great. The idea of needing a five-day rule is chilling.....more and briefer visits is my ideal. And yes, we do babysit.

what's option #6? mine are #4 (3 hours away). #5 would be ideal. i'm sure i'll regret feeling that way once they die. everyone's viewed in a more favorable light then, right? ;)
i'd rather have a babysitter who doesn't raise my anxiety level.

I don't like in-laws on the same continent.
They should be at least 1 ocean and 1 sea away.
If they speak a language that is different than your own that's a big plus.
I'm married 18 years and have NEVER had bad word with the in-laws (that I'm aware of).

How many of you have tried Florida only to find that distance MUCH too close.

uwsmom, are you suggesting #6 should be...

6. Opposite sides of the river Styx

Sunday...It will be fine. Probably better than fine because of the convenience. The fact that you are even contemplating it shows that you know them well already and have all the boundaries appropriate in place and working. Some inlaws and/or parents are easier than others to be physically near and I think what you are considering is easier since you are moving into THEIR neighborhood. If it were the other way around, you might feel an obligation to host or have to befriend them more often. So not to worry and just enjoy those nice meals that i guarantee she loves cooking!

At this time of year, those of you debating this subject should count your blessings, that there is a spouse, and that there are parents (one man's parents are the other's in-laws) all still alive. It's called family. Season's Greetings to everyone. Count your blessings!

I am actually more concern that we might overly impose on the in-laws. It's just very hard to know where the line is because they always seem so eager to help out. I also don't want my bro-in-laws to get the impression that we are taking advantage of them.

Sunday, sincere "thank you"s go a long way. A never said "thank you" in my family meant two previously extremely close relatives never spoke for 30+ years.

huntersburg, very good point. We do show our appreciation with thank you`s and other ways. We also regularly remind the kids to do that as well.

sunday...you can not overly impose on your in-laws. The fact that you want to live near them and enjoy their company speaks volumes. They will love having you near and go ahead and ask for what ever you need from them. The older we get the more important it is to be needed and by this stage in life they have learned how to say no when necessary. Happy holidays!

My son lives on the UES, I'm in Williamsburg - he quotes Seinfeld "Far enough that they can't drop by, close enough that you don't have to stay over."

From my experience, what you don't want is both sets in the same city. Then you have to do two Thanksgiving dinners and two Christmases. If they're in different cities you get to alternate - much saner.

same universe, different planet

Lofty: very cool that you are in Billyburg, kid on UES.

In light of the recent holiday, I'm changing my answer to seperate continents plus erroneous inclusion in international no fly list.

"same universe, different planet"

in a different galaxy (blackholes welcomed). 'cause really, Mars might as well be NJ.