Dumb things said by brokers

I was looking at a 700 square foot one bedroom at trump place a few years ago. It was the typical one bedroom layout with white walls, bedroom next to the living room and whatever the standard height ceilings are (9 Feet, I think). The broker said "the apartment has 9 foot ceilings so it has that gothic feel".

Yes, that is what I think of when I think of new construction 700 square foot one bedrooms with white walls - "gothic feeling".

"Trust me..."

better buy now because Wall Street bonus' are going to be huge.. you can borrow against your 401k,.... is worth x,.

owner paid x for it, so its with x +

the interest rate pitch is always great.

I could see my self living here...

I could see myself living here

"Why is maintenance on this place 2 grand when there are no amenities other than a doorman and an elevator?" - Me

(Blank stare with hamster running on the wheel) "Inflation........." - Broker

(Blank stare) - Me

"oh and the doorman is also 24 hours and knows everyone by name." - Broker

"That's nice" - Me

Dumb things said by clients: "i know the listing said no pets, but the owner hasn't met my dog"

"i dodnt know disclosing bankruptcy was important for a coop"

(before seeking apt): "is this negotiable?"

Dumd, idiotic clients

I think all these comments are dump EXCEPT the OP's. It is in fact true interest rates are remarkably low and will no dount rise. As to how housing prices play out -- as well as the more general macro economy -- that's anybody's guess.

it really feels bigger than it is.

hey midageguy, keep it clean!

LOL. As in, "The owners really did a brilliant job renovating the space..."

Sorry I have to add some others:

" I know for a fact this is the best priced 2 BR/2BA on the Upper East Side."

"Unfortunately, that's the trade-off with a pre-war." (this in response to any remotely modern convenience you have asked for like decent electrical service, cable, A/C, clear running water.)

"You'd be surprised, it's really not that busy a street."

"A neighborhood-based listing broker might remember having sold it in 2001."

"you cant sell this without a broker"

"you need a broker"

I recently asked a broker to justify his seller's asking price on a 2bdrm - he sent me a SINGLE comp transaction for a much nicer, bigger unit that had the same absolute price as the unit he was selling. The comp was FIFTEEN months old and was actually $175/per sq. ft. CHEAPER than his unit. When I asked him about it, he said people don't look at things on a per sq. ft. basis. I felt embarrassed for him.

>>The broker said "the apartment has 9 foot ceilings so it has that gothic feel". <<

That's PRICELESS!! Hilarious. :-D

I liked how a RE broker can predict interest rates, yet Fed officials Wall St. bond analysts can't.

Hey uptown girl why can't Fed officials such as Bernanke predict interest rate? I don't get that one.

"The commission I make is justified"

Agree, not sure why anyone its taking interest rate guidance from someone in the real estate industry. Or the common man on the street... there is no indication that rates will go up. We may have inflation that lowers real rates even further.

yikesabout 5 hours agoignore this personreport abuse
 "A neighborhood-based listing broker might remember having sold it in 2001."

Looks like a reference to front porch... so confirmed now, Yikes is Wbottom.

Listing Broker on recent showing: "financials are shared and due diligence is conducted only AFTER a contract is signed, and never before."
Listing Broker on recent co-op showing: "tax deductibility? Like what you can deduct if you sell the apartment at a loss?"
Listing Broker 10 months ago on over-priced apartment "it's a STEAL. I have five people ready to offer." same broker 7 months ago: "want to let you know we have reduced the price $50,000 if your client is still looking. I can't believe the owner would price so low!!". Repeat the above four times.
Listing Broker of a semi-difficult co-op: "Post-closing liquidity? What's that?"

Re: interest rates. I've said it at least four times in my quarterly newsletter in recent quarters: "I doubt they will ever be this low." I enjoy eating Crow.

"Looks like a reference to front porch... so confirmed now, Yikes is Wbottom."

who gives a flying f&ck

rumor says:
"income restrictions will be lifted"
"that garbage processing facility will never be built"
"it's easy to add a 3rd bedroom!"

"if you like it, you better hurry up and make an offer, I have a lot of interest in this apartment."

370 days later and ~15% px chops later, it still sits

"The second avenue will be done by the end of the year, so the price will sky rocket soon." - broker (April 2012)

"you know, there is an active bid on this property right now"

Good man, Mets79, for being able to poke a little light fun at profession and self.

Hi Brooks, how is caonima?

Hi, HB how is j hones?

"He is so rich he doesn't care about money, so won't lower the price"

"What is streeteasy?"

>Hi, HB how is j hones?

Seems rather angry lately based on what I've been reading.

"What is streeteasy"

- Love this one. Heard it multiple times as well.

I love it when someone tries to justify paying more by saying it is only X more in monthly payments (with financing)

"6% commissions is fixed. It's non-negotiable by law"
"I'd be surprised if this unit stays on the market for another week" (after being listed on the market for nearly a year already)
"Just put in an offer. It doesn't hurt"

NYC realtors (not all but significant number of them) are lying scums and destroy the reputation of honest & hard-working realtors nationwide.

>NYC realtors (not all but significant number of them) are lying scums and destroy the reputation of honest & hard-working realtors nationwide.

Our real estate agents are worse than those of the rest of the country??

Based on my own personal experience, yes. And I've bought & sold properties in many States from northeast, southeast to west coast. Don't get me wrong... I have met a few that don't fall into the scumbag category. Moreover, I think it's worth calling out that it takes an un-educated buyer/seller to accept scumbag realtors as their business partner. So it's not all one-sided against realtors...

>Moreover, I think it's worth calling out that it takes an un-educated buyer/seller to accept scumbag realtors as their business partner.

Agree, see this thread: http://streeteasy.com/nyc/talk/discussion/31555-shady-or-common-practice-for-a-broker

huntersburg
Streeteasy Member Since November, 2010

Yep. I read that thread this morning and it absolutely fits the description of an unreliable client that wants the cake and eat it too. Well, they got a good match with an unethical realtor... they can now waste each other's time.

her: "the market is strong in Manhattan"
me: "hmmm... global recession, stock market tanking, real estate about get hit".
her: "oh, they say that EVERY year"

(yes, this was right before the 20% declines in Manhattan)

We get it somewhereelse, you are the smartest person on SE, plus you alone knew that RE was expensive 3 years ago.

Some gems:

1) Bloomingdale's is looking to rent out the retail space here. (after checking on Google, that rumor fizzled 2 years ago).

2) This apt has been in the market a couple of weeks (26, to be exact).

A co-op building in the east 60's:
Listed as a one-bedroom, it was really a large studio with french doors installed to make a tiny "bedroom".
Bedroom is too small could only fit a twin bed with endtable, dresser, no closet in "bedroom".

Broker says : "oh, you can move the french doors out into the livingroom area and the bedroom will be bigger."
Move them to where, that livingroom wall is all windows?
Broker says: "That won't be a problem."

We have another offer, all cash higher than yours

Original details.

Agent: "No, I'm sorry, the co-op doesn't permit dogs."
Me: "But your ad for this open house says, 'pet friendly.' And I have a dog."
Agent: "Oh, it is pet friendly, they just don't permit dogs."
Me turning to leave.
Agent: "Don't you want to see the apartment?"

Me - I see this building allows pets which most buildings consider just cats and dogs. I have a rather large saltwater fish tank, will this be a problem?

Broker - Fish aren't considered pets

Me - Really, what else isn't considered a pet

Broker - Turtles and snakes

Me - That's random. Birds?

Broker - Pets b/c they talk

Don't sweat the small stuff, you spent lots of money on a co-op, have it cleaned, move in and enjoy it. It's aggravating at the moment but you'll barely remember it a year from now.

RealEstateNY

yes.. classic it is.

"icky and cheesy ewwwwwwwww"

yikes/wbottom (not smart enough to be a broker, not even a dumb broker)

"my client said they will only move if i find them something cheaper and bigger than what he currently has, i am on it"

"You can turn around and flip this place in a heartbeat for at least $100k more, for sure!"

...at an open house for a property which had been on the market for a long, long time.

Yes the apartment is available , but there is a lot of interest.. Let me know if you want to see it today... It's on the market for over a year...

And no, I don't work the UES, so this is not a commercial -- just an observation.

ali (DG Neary)

^^ look who's calling ali dumb ^^

I wonder why yikes/Wbottom's wife left him.

Yeah, he's such a loser.
and now he hates women, especially those who have a better life/more than him.

How long until yikes/wbottom comes up with a new se handle to post under, trying to avoid huntersburg and Truth?

A similar unit in the building sold at a lower per sq ft price - BROKER: homes in Manhattan aren't priced at per sq ft basis.

A similar unit on a higher floor and same line sold at a lower price just a few months ago - BROKER: That was an exception. You should compare it to another one (differnt line) that was sold at a higher price this year.

Why are gaps in the hardwood floor (new building)? BROKER: It's common and normal in new building because it takes a few years for it to settle. NOTE: I've seen good quality new buildings without this issue!

Phenomenally received
Diminishing inventory
Outstanding achievement
Exceptional nature
Meticulously appointed
Dazzling views
Sumptuous amenities
Unbeatable location
Substantial appreciation

All of this in one post.

"This is a seven-room apartment... although it only has four windows, and one of them is in a closet."
http://img.streeteasy.com/nyc/attachment/show/1286625-dorchester-towers.jpg

way too funny

> Why are gaps in the hardwood floor (new building)? BROKER: It's common and normal in new building because it takes a few years for it to settle. NOTE: I've seen good quality new buildings without this issue!

I have seen "leaks" in new buildings and the unit wasn't even underneath a terrace as usually a common place to find leaks. The sad part was, the way they patched up the leak was so poorly done that I can see the patch and the "yellow stain" from the leak ...

> Yes the apartment is available , but there is a lot of interest.. Let me know if you want to see it today... It's on the market for over a year..

ROFLMAO ... The "there is a lot of interest" is a 1000% sure sign that there was NO INTEREST. Same crap was said to me by a broker ... she had 3 subsequent OHs for the unit. ROFLMAO .. do they have a conscience or lying is part of the pre-requisite of being a broker ? :)

> "What is streeteasy"

A few brokers said to me "I get the listing before it hits the system." Hinting: best to work w/me or you will never be able to find that dream apartment of yours :) .. ROFLMAO

>"you cant sell this without a broker"
> "you need a broker"

Hahaha, one of them said to me "I'm an honest broker!" ROFLMAO .. that's an oxymoron lady.

> "Why is maintenance on this place 2 grand when there are no amenities other than a doorman and an elevator?" - Me

The other "common" and "can" answer is "it's a small building."

The thought that runs through in my head --> small building = small maintenance staff and expenses so why is the common charges still so high ? bad management ? Noh! Should I even bother to ask for the financials ?

> As to how housing prices play out -- as well as the more general macro economy -- that's anybody's guess.

Anybody's guess .. ROFLMAO .. guess no more Bernie123 and stop selling snake oil ...

[ECRI's Achuthan Says U.S. Economy Is in Recession]

http://www.bloomberg.com/video/ecri-s-achuthan-says-u-s-economy-is-in-recession-8B7WivlWSb~6ufDTVKeOoQ.html

A broker once said to me, "cash isn't a short term asset." Beyond dumb.

Wow, str33teasier and Foo joined about the same time.

> "cash isn't a short term asset."

He or she never learned the definition of "deleveraging."

Bump:

"Apartment also comes with a real life genie."

I am an investor, not a broker

"You have a buyer's broker already that will give you money back at closing? Thats illegal..."

"The application fee is $300, please make the check payable to me"
http://streeteasy.com/nyc/talk/discussion/34863-application-fee-paid-to-broker

"C0lumbia C0unty is just minutes from Manhattan via the Taconic."

Some more... from the seller's broker:

"You really need to buy what feels right in your heart"

"There is 10 inches of concrete between floors, you won't hear a thing"

"These old buildings have solid walls, unlike new buildings, you wont hear a thing from neighbors"

"These new buildings have solid walls, unlike old buildings, you wont hear a thing from neighbors"

"I don't care about your commission on this sale (and the purchase we also did, totalling, for the broker, about $45,000 after splits) as I make my money on volume not individual sales.

Guywithcat, did you hear all of this, or are you making half of the quotations up?

how come SE doesn't shut you down?

C0C0, do you own a cat?

SE, why?

"i got that information you wanted, GREAT NEWS, the building has a ballon mortgage on it and it's not due for 2 more years!"
(i sh*t you not)

what is a ballon (balloon?) mortgage?

A corcoran broker showing me an apartment near madison park around 3rdQ 2009.

Me: THe market is soft, inventory is at an all time high with 3 in this building alone.
Her: No the market is hot, I have bidding wars in willamsburg.

word...for word

In a twin towered co-op with each identical except for position obviously...

Broker: "This tower is the better one."

Me: "Why? Weren't they built at the same time? They sit on the same base do they not?"

Broker: I don't know...that's just what I've heard. People say that this tower feels more 'solid' somehow."

WTF?!

Daniel178 - many co-ops have balloon mortgages which are basically "interest only" mortgages for the life of the mortgage with a final payment due at the end. It's more common than a self-amortizing mortgage because a) monthly payments are typically lower (unless interest rates skyrocket when it comes time to refinance) and b) shareholders who sell before the mortgage is due haven't paid a disproportionate share of the interest.

"it's on the top floor so it has higher ceilings than units on any other floor" (hint, the ceilings are the same height as on all the other floors)

"it has a loft-like feeling"

"one of a kind"

"triple mint"

Yeah, spearmint, peppermint & Franklin Mint

My recent dumb broker momement occured while browsing a house in nassau county.

I'm at an open house and ask the sales agent whether the house has a cesspool or sewer. Agent has no clue and asks the owner who was next to her. I'm sure the owner must have been very happy at that momemnt, that some idiot will collect a commission to sell his million dollar house.

>I'm at an open house and ask the sales agent whether the house has a cesspool or sewer. Agent has no clue and asks the owner who was next to her. I'm sure the owner must have been very happy at that momemnt, that some idiot will collect a commission to sell his million dollar house.

Yes, because Lord knows, the owner expects proper answers from the broker regarding sewage.

I guess I am expecting too much from a broker for them to have basic knowledge of the house they are selling.

The broker would know whether there's a sewer or cesspool if she had done the initial assessment correctly. That's almost a no-brainer when you're selling a house. Another good question to ask is if there's an underground fuel storage tank, either in use or abandoned. In Nassau, there are some things you have to do if the tank holds less than 1100 gallons and/or it is more than 30 years old.

http://ny.curbed.com/tags/the-brokerbabble-glossary

" I don't know what is is about this part of the east side but they allow you to double park while they sweep the streets"

"I love helping people."

greasy---as usual, you're trying way too hard.

C0C0, what are some of the dumb things you've said?