Suggestions on How to get REJECTED by the co-op board

It is likely illegal to intentionally attempt to scuttle a board interview and you could end up in litigation with the seller attempting to get your deposit back if your tactic gets back to the seller.

I also think your reasoning of condo versus coop isn't terribly apt in this particular context. Neither is especially a better or worse way to go in an of itself right now. The kind of sweeping generality you suggested won't yield much in terms of good decision making.

All this said, stocks are only one of the things boards look at and frankly alone would not garner an approval regardless of size of the portfolio in most cases (if you own 25% of Berkshire Hathaway, that's another story). Salary is a much more important component along with earnings history, prospects, type of work you do, credit history and current status, and social factors like criminal history, indictments pending, involvement in prior litigations, indications you would make a good or lousy neighbor.

Based on the OP, I'd say just be yourself at the interview and that should work.

Tell them you have a music band and sometimes it goes thru the night. Tell them you had a bed bug problem but is all good now. I can't imagine a board wants to bring in someone with a bed bug problem since is so difficult to get rid off.

LOL kyle

It would help if you work in the financial industry - so be creative.

but try not to make your attempt at being rejected obvivous. So don't do something crazy, like come dressed as a clown or a gang banger.

Coming drunk and discussing the problems with 12-step recovery programs is also an option--the kind that will end you up in litigation, but still...an option.

Dried blood on your face and knuckles and clothes you've worn for a couple of days isn't bad either.

Scratching yourself a lot may work. A LOT, everywhere.

Speaking in tongues and then acting as if you haven't.

Discussing the injustices of domestic violence courts and how easy it is for women to fool judges into issuing orders of protection.

again, let's not make it obvivous people. One option you have is to step in a tiny pile of dog sh*t this way you will stink during the interview. But make sure nobody sees the dog poop.

Flash your thong.

Wear just a thong.

If u are married, you could pretend to belittle and make sexist/insulting comments to her during the meeting

Leave bedbugs.

puke

bad faith --

Tell them that you are planning to retire and live off your stock portfolio. And spend your days listening to your fantastic jazz collection.

Don't do this! The boilerplate real estate contract says that if you don't get board approval due to your "bad faith conduct" you're in default and seller gets to keep your deposit.

ali r.
{downtown broker}

The voice of reason speaks. Good work Ali.

Tell them you have been having severe depression and suicidal thoughts given your loss of wealth. No one could ever prove that's not true and I can't see how anyone would want that type of risk in their building.

pick your teeth with a toothpick & wink at the ladies.

Whatever you do, don't admit to being a Canadian from Canada.

Leave your fly noticeably unzipped & don't wear undies.
There must be 50 ways to fail the interview.

Tell them you voted for McCain. Every board in overwhelmingly populated with democrats. They'll look at you like you were spawned from Satan.

tell them you got a job at aig........that shoulfd be enough

Hi milfar, I went through this exact same problem. I hada $45K deposit down on a studio coop in the Meatpacking district.

I didn't want to "get out" of my contract per se, but I was very stubborn in the renovations I wanted to do with my apartment, and if I couldn't get them approved then I didn't want to purchase it.

So I went to the board interview with floorplans of what my extensive renovations would look like. I added a washer/dryer, which wasn't allowed in individual units. I added a jacuzzi. I added a ventless fireplace. The coop board looked a little concerned, and they told me they didn't allow these items for safety issues. But I was insistent and even offered to pay the coop $50K in cash if they'd approve the renovations (my attorney told me this is perfectly legal and not a "bribe" even though that's pretty much what it was.)

I got rejected.

No one's going to believe you have lice or are in a band. But a scenario like mine is much more believable. Just come across as a stubborn rule breaker and they won't approve you.

If your financial situation truly has changed, make that obvious. Send them updated account statements and income information. If it really is much worse, they may not approve you because of this.

also, if your not married, throw around the term "My partner" several times. Many boards hate gays.

rip a wicked fart during the interview...ala 'Step Brothers'
...that can't be used against you...I mean, hey, it happens

for the icing on the cake, look really suprised and say you have to run home for a new change of undershorts

ask the board if the building has a resident pot/coke dealer

good idea uwsrenter, but I am not sure if the human body is capable of farting on demand. God determines when you fart, not you.

lol...lovin this thread. Thanks to Ali for some sense of normalcy, but hopefully the cracks keep on coming.

well of course alpine, that's why you gotta first got to La Caridad (all you upperwest siders know what i'm talking about.)
get the soupy rice with chicken, side of wings, maybe some pepper steak (with yellow rice and black beans...of course)

and then...well...go to town!

Tell them you are studing mortuary science, but the homework assignments shouldn't bother anyone in the building. Tell them that it is a recessionproof and growning field.

Tell them you play electric guitar...when ever the heck you please...

Have you been approved for your mtg?

Show up dirty and seaty and say you jusy lost your job...:-) good luck

If its a pet friendly building, meaning most people probably have dogs or cats they cherish, mention that you think dog fighting is a really misunderstood sport and that you hope to soon purchase and train at least one "fighting dog" of your own. Now you know the people on the board don't want their precious ones (human or animal) running into Cujo on the elevator. Of course this could also land you a guest appearance on "Animal Precinct".

be watching porn on your ipod when you enter the interview and put it on the table "accidentally" forgetting to turn it off.
then look up at one of the 60 year-old female board members and say "hey, didn't i bang you in college?" immediately after that turn to one of the older male members and say "you look familiar too" and wink.

actually, i would change that line to:
"hey, didn't i bang you? you're one of my friends' mom, right?"

i like that one better.

wear a tin foil hat. Tell them that you think the CIA is trying to scan your brain.

alpine292: that would be clear malingering. TRUE nuts put the tinfoil INSIDE their hats. Get it right.

Mention how hopeful you are that DNA will finally clear you.

Discuss you research into how cleaning can actually get you sick by disturbing dust mites and toxic micro-particles.

Tell them that you'd love to run for the Board as you were "very active" in your last building. They don't want someone to rock the boat.

tell them:

"my coke dealer was on the board in my last co-op but since i moved out i need a new connection. do you guys know anyone? also, how can i find out the apartment numbers of high school girls living in the building? it's weird but they seem to 'get me' a lot more than women my age do."

tell them you are a registered sex offender

This thread has made me laugh and laugh...

at the coop board meeting, light up a cigarette without asking.

cgoodstein: brilliant! so subtle and yet off-the-scale obnoxious.

You could tell the funny story about the potbelly pig you got as a baby and snuck in and out of your old building until it got too big and had to pay off the staff so they wouldn't say anything, and how you eventually just kept the 180lb. adult pig in the second bedroom. Hilarious! Did you know Purina makes Pig Chow? Another great conversation starter.

tin foil? where do you get tin foil?

1) Don'y post your illegal idea on an internet message board
2) Lose your job; they will reject you then.
3) Just be your normal idiotic self. I can't imagine anyone accepting someone like you.

Tell them how you can't wait to start up your new prog rock garage band in the apartment.

Ignore any suggestions here advising you to claim to be in a band or a drug dealer. If you tell them you're going to install a washer/dryer no matter what, or break some other rule, they'll reject you.

Coop owners are such brainless sheep, they can't stand someone who does what they want no matter what "the rules" are.

Yes, sticky is right. Brainless sheep. If only cooperatives (funny that is the word isn't it?) were environments for rugged individualism where anything went and all were free to be their crazy selves. Like with plumbing for example. Some dumb board members listen to a stupid engineer about how the 80 year old building's plumbing can't handle a washing machine without backing up suds into every apt on the waste line. Just because someone disagrees and does it anyway, those a-holes on the board are gonna get all up in arms. Coops are so stupid, sticky, right?

What is the point of that last post? If it is humor, it didn't come through.

kylewest,
Great post. Imagine that, a group of people who are trying to look out for the long term stability of a building and trying to maintain services for everyone, without causing harm.

If people want to be rugged individualists, they should move out to some plot of land in the rural areas, where they do almost anything they want to their homes, without causing trouble for their neighbors.

I have gone back and forth on the coop versus condo question and I think I am leaning towards coops again, because I think they do a better job at maintaining the building. Sure, you lose a little control in your personal apartment, but I think the needs of the building are greater than the needs of any individual unit.

Ask about proximity to the nearest methadon clinic. You don't even have to say that it's for you, it's just a question.

ask them when the next mindhead meeting is and then start repeating KEEP IT TOGETHER - KEEP IT TOGETHER - KEEP IT TOGETHER for like the next 5 minutes. Then say that the building offering plan had the letter 'K' listed in 1,923 times. The proceed on saying that 'KKK' appeared in the offering plan 641 times.

That will do it

if they ask if you have any hobbies or interests tell them:

"sure. i have tons of hobbies. are any of you guys into bum fighting?

when they ask "do you play any instruments?" say:

"i do. i play the skin flute. i am REALLY good. i can play it for you guys right now if you want. does anyone have a paper towel?" and start unzipping your fly.

flamenco

Yes, I hope your sellers get to keep their deposit because you, my friend, are an idiot. You've been in contract since January on this co-op & there was no sign then that prices were softening. Meanwhile, these people have taken their unit off the market FOR YOU & now you've decided that perhaps you really want a condo & that, gee whiz, prices are heading south so "screw these suckers, I'm gonna throw the board interview". Good luck - NOT.

Isn't a coop board interview also a chance for the buyer to interview the board? Especially in this economy. Milfar- during the interview, ask about their refinancing strategy if the building mortgage is coming up, potential increases in common charges, number of owners in the apartment that are working on wall street, any chance of anyone defaulting etc. If you do your due diligence properly, you may find a justifiable cause to not close on the apartment. If board can reject a buyer, the buyer can reject the board. In the rising house prices, it worked the other way - you put down the deposit, wait for the approval to find out the board has rejected you (sometimes for stupid reasons)- the prices increased during that time- forcing the buyer to pay more or buy less. Finally, the leverage is with the buyer in this economy, use it.

milfar, ask whether there are restrictions regarding opening an escort service on the premises.

"Ask about proximity to the nearest methadon clinic. You don't even have to say that it's for you, it's just a question."

ok, that might be better than the escort services.

Most buildings don't forbid individual washer/dryers because of old plumbing. (The ccop in my specific case was built in the 1980s.) Rather, they do it because the company which maintains the coin/card operated laundry room pays the building a fee to have their machines there. I know several owners in prewar coops who furtively installed washer/dryer in their apartment, and no suds or nuclear explosions have occurred.

I personally like being able to do my laundry at 2am in my underwear in the comfort of my own home, so I bought a condo (in a 100-year-old building) where washer/dryers are allowed. Guess that's too much for brainless sheep to handle.

Do a great normal interview, be well dressed, pleasant and polite and at the end, pull out a piece of paper and ask them if one of them could sign a form for your parole officer confirming that you had the interview. When they raise eyebrows, try to brush off the matter along the lines of: "It was a very minor incident, I can't really talk about it because the whole thing is sub-judice but let me assure you that the old couple got what they deserved..." Also, ask them if they need a drug sample and when they say no, exspress complete amazement and tell then you came pre-prepared. Then pull out your own urine specimen .... insist on leaving it with them, urge them to test it because they can be assured that your sample wll show you are now totally clean.

Wear tap shoes to the interview and perform an impromptu dance on the way out. Don't forget the jazz hands. If luck is in your favor, a board member might live in the unit below your potential purchase...

I would tell them you love the coop and are looking forward to moving in, despite your financial situation. Then I'd ask the board members if they could provide a personal loan to get through these short-term difficulties. Then ask if there's anyone they know in the building that could help provide a loan.

Have a Tourettes attack, you son of a b......, oh, I'm sorry

follow any of the above, then find a good lawyer because the seller will (and should) sue you.

i am a staunch supporter of not using "L-O-L" but LOL!
some of these really give me a good laugh as they pop into my email. love it. black face - classic and downright distasteful. perfect.
i agree with those that have venom for the guy/gal trying to do this but i think it became more of a running joke about 60 comments ago.

when you sit down ask if anyone has an ash tray. when they say you can't smoke. say:
"oh my god. that's so embarrassing. i meant weed. mind if i do a j?"
(and pull one out from your inside jacket pocket)

I think this post is hilarious but were I the seller I would find out exactly what milfar said and sue his tush off. Many sellers would be willing to work with the (non) buyer and give them at least part of their deposit back. Milfar hasn't said whether or not he/she gave them that opportunity

While finances etc are confidential, words spoken at board meetings have a way of getting back to the seller

You could always just tell them you're jewish. From what I hear, a lot of boards still don't like us.

You might also consider going to the meeting, being completely silent and then screaming "Oh my God! Someone put shit in my pants!" and then run out of the room.
THis would work best if you are wearing a T-Shirt that says "Shit Happens When You Party Naked"

Oldgrayhair is on to something. If you smell like formaldehyde and urine, no way you'll get in.

Where an ankle bracelet type tracking device with a blinking light. That ought to do it.

nycjunior, the PC term is "bond trader", not "jewish".

How about coming in with 16 barking dogs from a shelter. Make sure you roll around in the mud for a while beforehand. If they won't let you take them inside just sit outside and cry.

pick your nose. frequently.

Talk about how you are very reasonable as a co-op owner, and as an example, tell them that in negotiations over the apartment price, you didn't try to "Jew him down" on price.

As you park your car, make sure you damage another car. Leave beer bottles your car. Have a friend call the cops. With a little luck they will find out about your interview and will pick you up.

when they ask if you plan on doing any renovations tell them:

"no, but i will have to make one of the closets fully refrigerated. if i don't, my suit made of human skin starts to stink and get all sticky. do you remember that blackout a few years ago? god that was awful."

Tell them:

"My financial situation has changed quite drastically.

My stock portfolio has been slashed by about 42%.

It has been rumored at my job that my position is no longer necessary, so I probably will be unemployed soon.

If there is an assessment, I don't have any cash to pay it with.

As soon as I close, I'll be looking for a few roommates on Craigslist to help me cover the monthly expenses. Hopefully I won't need to have more than 2 people sleeping in each room. A friend told me in Chinatown, they actually have houses where they sleep in shifts and have 3 people to a bed, 8 hours each. Isn't that a great idea!!!!!!!"

I think I'll be accused of being kylewest (sic) but I was going to write ankle bracelet for my last post. kudos.

How about this:
You could drive up to the co-op with a school bus full of children and you dressed in a Santa Claus outfit. You shout through a megaphone out the window, "Hohoho mutherfuckers! If you don't approve me and let me put in a washer and drier, ten more kids die! Hohoho!"

Eat nothing but raw onions and garlic for a week before the interview. Go to the interview wearing a lobster bib. No matter what, do NOT acknowledge the bib. As soon as you sit down, take a glass out of your pocket, a carton of milk out of your underwear, and a bottle of chocolate syrup out of you shirt. Proceed to make chocolate milk, stirring with a large wooden spoon for exactly five minutes. Kneel on the floor and offer the chocolate milk to the board members as a token of gratitude.

Yes, garlic & onions, anything stinky. Then, drool as you speak.

Submit an addendum with updated financials. Don't bathe for days. Don't use deodorant. Button your shirt wrong and have it sticking out your fly.

ass pennies.

"ass pennies."

That is one of my favorite skits ever. But yes, if you bring in a jar full of ass pennies, that might get you turned down.

when they ask "so, what do you do?" tell them:

"are you guy's familiar with craigslist? well, all those penis photos in the M4W and M4M sections don't take themselves! i am a craigslist penis photo photographer. it's fun, you meet some of the weirdest freaks and it's great, cause i work at home."

a poo stick will also go along ways if the ass pennies do not work!

"You could always just tell them you're jewish. From what I hear, a lot of boards still don't like us."

Um, you do realize that most co-op boards have Jews on them? For goodness sake, Madoff was the president of his co-op board.

its not "illegal", broker. Don't they make you brokers take a basic class in real estate law? "Illegal" is shooting someone in the head. Purposefully tanking a coop interview, apart from being smart, may be violative of the spirit of good faith which is inherent in every contract under New York law. But its not "illegal". they're not gonna throw the guy in riker's case he showed up to his coop interview in a dress.,