Complaining Neighbor

Try to speak with your neighbor, but don't necessarily be on the defensive. Let him know that you have a right to live in your apartment, and that most of your floors are carpeted. Ask what specifically is bothering him. If it is something that you can potentially deal with, say thank you and see what you can do. In my experience, no matter what you do, they have their ears focused on hearing noise and will jump at the chance to complain.

With that said, if the problem persists, call the police and make a complaint that your neighbor is harassing you, yes seriously. Continue to do this until there is a long history of this. Additionally, write certified letters to your super, the neighbor and anyone else you can stating your situation so it is well documented. Ultimately, it is your neighbor (I'm assuming) who is the one being overly dramatic and it shouldn't ruin your life to live in your apartment. Ultimately, you may be able to get some sort of restraining order on your neighbor so that they can't complain no matter what. If this sounds a bit drastic, don't try to do it, but do call the police. Otherwise, it is he said she said and that doesn't hold up anywhere.

I have been through this experience which is why I'm not just saying this, I've lived it.

This is the main reason I refused to consider living anywhere but a penthouse. I do not take kindly to stray thumps above my head. I don't want any little noise to remind me that I have been forced to live that close to other people. My penthouse makes me feel superior, there is nobody flushing toilets over my head and my elevator button is emblazoned with a unique pair of letters, rather than a common numeral.

we need an exorcism. ph41 has taken over spinny's soul.

I had a situation where the downstairs neighbors actually complained repeatedly about the noise from my father's oxygen tank (AFTER they knew what it was...before I could understand). Then about a fan my mother had...When I sold the place I was praying for a family with three large boys and a German Shepard (didn't happen but the couple were planning on starting a family....) Btw, this was in a prewar wood floor building. (Not all "prewars were created equal of course and the word is really used out of context in nyc re these days).

In other words, some people will only be happy in the cone of silence and if you can't make peace will them follow MRussell's advice.

One measure you can take to make sure you are 100% in the right, if you haven't already, is to make sure you and your kids don't wear shoes in the house and either walk around barefoot or in socks. My coop board suggested this to me at my interview--didn't have to since I grew up in a New York apartment I take off my shoes as quickly as they do in a mosque.

hehehe AR.

Yes, be polite and have your kids run around while you are downstairs with your neighbor just to see how bad the noise is.

Once I stopped working, I realized how annoying even the sound of a kitten/dog upstairs playing with his/her toys can be. I didn't complain, of course, because I think that is part and parcel of apt living unless you live on the top floor.

ahhh the top floor; paradise, serenity and tomatoes!

Order some Crumbs cupcakes and have them delivered to your neighbor with a note indicating they are from your boys. Invite neighbor up for a glass of wine to discuss ways to potentially alleviate the noise situation and neighbor can see first hand how the boys behave. Send a holiday card every year. Smile and say hello when you see your neighbor in the hallway.

You do not want to escalate this more quickly than required. Once it is escalated, there is no turning back. It will be a battle of will every single day and it will ruin your apartment living experience. Be civil, it works. You may even make a new friend out of it.

In a rather well sound-proofed apartment in the early 1990s, I had a downstairs neighbor who routinely put letters under my door, and then complained to the management about the loud noise made by my persistent walking around in high heels that was interrupting her meal times and supposedly was so loud that she couldn't watch t.v. Mind you, this was not some senile senior, but a professional 40-50ish female.

Problem was I am male, lived alone, don't wear high heels, like Liz, never walk around in shoes at all, and at that time in my career I worked until 1 a.m. basically every night. And, she never once suggested she even heard or noticed the 1,000 watt subwoofer attached to my surround sound system that would rattle the walls of the apartment.

So, in addition to Mrussell's and Lizyank's advice, bear in mind as well that some people hear things that may not be there, and complaining gets them attention that they otherwise would not get.

SInce it sounds like you are a good person and do want to try to work with your neighbor, there are a few things you could do. You mentioned that you already have 80% carpeted, but what about padding? Even if you have padding, there are 3 levels of padding. Replacing any existing padding with the thickest will definitely cut down on footfalls. It is not particularly expensive, maybe $.60/ft. If you want to go the extra mile, then put down a dense rubber pad first, then the padding and then the carpet. It will save drastically on wear and tear on the carpet for you, is plush under your feet, and will be an inexpensive good faith effort to satisfy your neighbor downstairs. Show this to your super and save the receipts. This way, if he continues to go to the board with noise complaints, you can show them you have gone above and beyond what you are required to do. The board will not listen to his complaints and that point. If he is still giving you a hard time, then I would call the police, but only after you have done what you can and covered yourself with the co-op first. Children are noisy and at some point they are going to make noise and disturb your neighbors. I find they are most likely to put up with it if it the occasional burst rather than a constant - like walking back and forth. From experience the person who is hearing the noise is the one who complains loudest and the longest, so doing all you can ( within reason) is the best solution IMO. If the problem is just walking, the padding will most likely help and perhaps eliminate the issue. Good luck.

The true measure of a great upstairs neighbor would be to blow the doors off decorum and up your coverage to 83%, then certify it by the accounting firm Kiss Ehm Eye and Hass.

screw them. you have done what is required, and your kids are being kids. that's part of life in an apartment building - if they want silence, let them move to a cabin in the woods (where they'll complain about the birds chirping). these type of people can never be satisfied - next thing they'll tell you your toilet flushes too loudly, that the smell of your cooking upsets them, etc. if they persist in complaining, organize midnight roller derby matches in the apartment - they'll be begging a return to the days of the gentle pitter patter of kids walking.

Juice is right.

Try civil.

further re the no shoes advice - are the kids wearing shoes in the apt?

Everyone, thanks for all your suggestions. I called my downstair neighbor tonight asking if I can stop by the apartment and listen to the noisy while my husband supervise the activities via cell phones. She said No. I guess I will give the extra padding a try with the rugs. Btw, we don't wear any shoes or slipper in the apartment, bare feet inside the apartment.

I'd put the young lads in soft fluffy slippers or padded socks ........... Bare feet of running boys that age can make pounding noises below.
Who's friendlier with your board people --- you or the person below you? I sold/left my coop because the neighbor upstairs made too much noise --- but it was wood-working he was doing, not kids running. The lads will grow quickly and soon be at the age when they just play bloody video games constantly so the problem will probably resolve itself ...

The Juiceman has made a good suggestion.
Don't get defensive or aggressive. Be kind and remind your neighbor that boys will be boys and the good new is that the little one leaves for college in 7 years. If they prissiest, let them know that you just might pull up the carpet and replace it with hard wood floors. The younger one's got rhythm and is expressing an interest in tap dance. The older one wants drums.
Did people forget the live in a city? My daughter practices sax fro 20 minutes a day and the neighbor banks on the walls. I get out my clarinet and we play for a hour. We're taking up a Dixie land band if anyone is interested.

bangs on the walls

Maybe the neighbor wants to make it a trio.

G-man,
Never thought of that!
If only they had rythem.

Mrussell, for real? Call the police?

Police investigate crimes.

Easiest option! Soundproof your home! Or introduce your neighbor to QuietRock. There won’t be any more problems with noise after that!

My loft is in a building built in 1901 and the only time we hear anything from our upstairs neighbors is when we are standing right by the elevator.

oh my god, made me feel much better reading these posts... and there was me about to apologise..
since i moved in, she complains of everything. I put up a mirror on the weekend, she called it construction work>?
complaining of my kids running in the flat, they were no shoes in the flat. i have a 2 year old and 5 year old? what am i supposed to do...
i discipline them and they are good kids in bed by 8.. no loud music... we all sleep by 10...
I still get constant complaining..

help...!!!!! i am gonna pull my hair out with this lady!!! complains of using the toilet in the night?

Lim,

I am going through the same thing with my neigbour downstairs (I live in the UK). she has told me she can hear talking and walking, I am now a nervous wreck as I am constantly telling my 8 year old, don't walk so heavy (even when she is walking normally). Don't do this don't do that in fear of this woman complaining. I have spoken to the Police and the council (environmental Health) the police say it sounds like harrassement and have told me to call when she kicks off (I.e, puts on loud music or starts banging on the ceiling) She says she can hear us all day everyday which I find hard to believe as my daughter is out of the flat from 8.30 and we dont return till 3.30 (later if she has an after school club). My husband is out from 6.45 till 5.45ish and I am at work, so can't quite see how the noise can be all day every day. She also says it is from very early till very late at night. Okay my husband goes out at 6.45, we get up around 7.15am but my daughter is in bed by 8 (although reading a book and has a cabin bed so is off the floor) and me and my husband are sat in the living room watching telly. Not once has she complained about loud music (not that we really listen to music) or the t.v. Its the walking and talking.

I have just spent 20mins on the phone to parentline in tears because of it all. I really wish we could afford to move and buy a house, but that is never going to happen.

yes i have a neighbor that complains alot, they just moved in couple mths ago, we lived here for little over a yr, she phoned landlord at 3pm saying my 10yr old daughter n her friends were playing out in our back yard, they were too noisy. (lol at 3pm n its summer holidays) she said she works nights n she was trying to sleep. and she did this another time, my daughter said thr neighbors were taking pics of her n her friends, and they were swearing at them, telling them to shut the f*** up, or they were going to call cops on the girls, for being noisy. i wish they didnt move next to us, my daughter just been staying inside for couple days.

I just moved to Dallas specifically in Coppell Texas and the first week my 1 year old, 4 year old and my husband and I moved to this apartment complex our neighbor downstairs came banging on the door and complained. She is a female and has now (after three weeks being here) come knocking on our door a lot. My children are afraid every time they hear a knock on the door because this neighbor speaks very angry and loud. I feel so sad to have to put my kids through this, and I do not know what to do. They are so little and we moved here and left our home because my husband got a job relocation. The worst part is we are only here until we find a home to rent, We have 20 more days left for the corporate contract we have in this furnished apartment... horrible experience :(