The StreetEasy Poetry Slam Thread

To West 52nd Street (an ode, heavily based on Keats' To Autumn):

Neighborhood of trysts and yellow fruitlessness
Lachrymose bottom-feed of manure, no fun
Conspiring with it how to load and distress
With soot the refuse-ridden streets - run!
To bend down with pneumonia even the trees,
And fill all fruit with rottenness to the core;
To swell the ground, and plump the T-cells
With a sour kernel; to send fleeing more,
And still more, loner renters from their lease,
Until they think dark days will never cease,
For night has o'er-brimm'd their living hells.

Who hath not seen thy lack of lofts but crappy stores?
Sometimes whoever seeks a broad may find
Thee sitting homeless on an ATM floor,
Thy hair lice-infested by the winnowing wind;
Or on a half-peed furrow sound asleep,
Drows'd with the fume of trannies, while thy crooks
Despair the red "sightseeing" bus and its blind followers:
And sometimes like a reaper thou dost sweep
Steady thy foul hand across, and look!
There, by the sewage-mess, and tetanus fish-hooks,
Thou watchest the last oozings hours by hours.

Where are the joys of home? Ay, where are they?
Think not of them, thou hast nothing but poo,-
While black clouds croon over the soft-dying day,
And bleed the trouble/pains with hazy hue;
Then in a wailful choir the small gnats mourn
Among the Hudson river sallows, borne aloft
Or sinking as the blight wind lives or dies;
And full-grown cancers loud bleat from anyone born;
None can sing; but now from its troubled pigeon-loft
The grey pest pisses and coughs;
And discerning bloggers twitter: "Avert your eyes."

manhattan
it is no good
it is bad

long island city
it is so hep
it grooves

alanhart
seldom right
and wrong again

burma-shave

alan, I enjoy the use of an untrustworthy narrator - how modernist of you!

ode to alan

alan hart
the coolest dude
always discerning
never rude

those trolly trolls
they love to hate
their karma stinks
they'll meet their fate

we can tell
the good from bad
when one of them
makes alan mad…

alan, our barometer
alan, our thermomenter
sidecar in hand
he takes a stand

uniting the best of the rest.

burma shave!

Is this for neighborhoods and/or R.E themes?

If for anything and/or personal cheerleading; No poet better than Dylan:

"You're an idiot babe
it's a wonder that you still know how to breath..."

oh and alan, double stars for "hep." great!

with apologies to Edgar Allan Poe, as well as to the online advocate of LIC living/investing, and with very "special" apologies to the fine professionals who are licensed by one or another board to trade in real estate, the below is meant to reflect not so much my feelings towards any tradesmen/women or residents of any particular area of Queens as my deep empathy for some of the pain felt by others ;)

The Realtor
By Edgar Allan Poe

Once upon a weekend dreary, while I pondered weak and weary,
Over many a rude and spurious statement from insolvent banks,
While I mumbled, nearly moaning, suddenly there came a clawing,
An infernal beast meanly mawling, gnawing through the hardwood floor.
`'Tis some Rottweiler,' I sputtered, `clawing at its master's door -
A home like this, I'll bear no more.'

Ah, distinctly I remember it was Long Island City,
And each separate thriving pigeon dropped its feces upon the floor.
Eagerly I wished to move; - vainly I had sought to borrow
From my dad, first month's rent, security - more than I, poor Dad was sore -
For the rare and lucky treasure promised him to be in store -
For buying me one condo more.

And the creaking sad uneven whistling floor-to-ceiling windows
Thrilled me - filled me with fantastic vistas, Manhattan's skyline;
So that now, to still the beating of my heart, I stood repeating
'Tis worth a million dollars, but I need to find a buyer -
I'll spend the proceeds wisely, but I need to find a buyer; -
Sutton Place will cost me more.'

Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,
`Sir,' said I, `or Madam, truly your assistance I implore;
Hunter's Point is too damned boring, and since you it was who told me,
New zoning brings amenities, such a realtor as you are,
Surely you'll handle the resale' - here I opened wide the door; -
Darkness there, and nothing more.

Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing,
Doubting, dreaming a price no neighbors dared to dream before;
But the silence was unbroken, and the darkness gave no token,
And the only word there spoken was the whispered word, `Unsold!'
This I whispered, and an echo murmured back the word, `Inventory!'
Merely this and nothing more.

Back inside my condo turning, smaller than I thought I'd purchased,
Soon again I heard a clawing, this time sounding like a rat.
`Surely,' said I, `surely that's the market buzz they promised;
Let me see then, whether it's a bar, restaurant or nightclub -
Let me look outside to see chic attractions moving in; -
'Tis Duane Reade and nothing more!'

Open now I flung the door, when, with many a primp and preen,
In there stepped a stately realtor, wearing clothes worth more than mine.
Not the least politeness made he; no permission did he await;
But, with mien of lord or lady, or, better yet, like Monte Hall -
Perched upon my used Ikea, smoking crack from my own pipe -
Perched and smoked, and nothing more.

Then this tony, stoned dude provoked my sad regret into begging,
By the costly elegance of the apparel he flaunted,
`Though thy skull be shorn and shaven, thou,' I said, `art sure no rock star.
Ghastly smug and stylish realtor wandering from Manhattan's shore -
Tell me what I must now do to live way yonder, the western shore!'
Quoth the realtor, `Pay me more.'

Much I marvelled this shameless con to hear demand more money,
Though no new promises were made - prior pledges were hardly funny;
For we cannot help agreeing that no living human being
Ever yet was blessed with a stoned, primped realtor in his home,
After having sold one lemon, now dispensing more advice,
when all it be is 'Pay me more.'

But the realtor, sitting queasy on the beat-up couch, spoke only
That one phrase, as if his soul in that one phrase he did outpour.
Nothing further then he uttered - not an eyelid then he fluttered -
Till I scarcely more than muttered `This apartment made me poor -
Come Happy Hour he'll leave me, as I have no stash to score.'
Then the dude said, `Pay me more.'

Then, methought, the air grew denser, perfumed from yonder, Greenpoint,
The Water Treatment Plant whose scents are wafted by shifts in the wind.
`Wretch,' I cried, `You sold me this dump - you said zoning would change it all
BS - BS and hyperbole to get me to move here!
Help, oh help me to sell it now, and forget Gantry Plaza!'
Quoth the realtor, `Pay me more.'

`Broker!' said I, `thing of evil! - broker still, if dude or addict! -
Whether tempter sent, or the recession tossed thee here ashore,
Desolate yet so pretentious, in this warehouse zone enchanted -
Levittown by Newtown Creek - tell me truly, I implore -
Is there - is there balm in Gilead? - tell me - tell me, I implore!'
Quoth the realtor, `Pay me more.'

`Broker!' said I, `thing of evil! - broker still, if dude or addict!
By that Market that rules above us - by that cash we both adore -
Tell this soul with bad debts laden if, within the distant Aidenn,
It shall mint a windfall profit when the foreigners buy here -
Yield a sum to purchase there, where Sutton Place doth beckon?'
Quoth the realtor, `Pay me more.'

`Be that word our sign of parting, dude or fiend!' I shrieked upstarting -
`Get thee back into Manhattan and the East River's better shore!
Leave no slick card as a token of that lie thy soul hath spoken!
Leave my cheap condominium! - quit the couch I kept from school!
Take thy claws from out my heart, and take your crack off these milk crates!'
Quoth the realtor, `Pay me more.'

And the realtor, never flinching, still is sitting, still is waiting
On the cheesy bust of Gantry just outside my condo door;
And his eyes have all the seeming of a salesman's that is scheming,
And the skylights o'er him streaming throw his shadow on my floor;
An environmentally friendly floor, whose bamboo slats as well
Say to me, 'Pay me more.'

Epic, Lowery!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(and thanks, glamma!)

Broker shilling homes in Mastic
Posts On SE saying buys are fantastic
Streeteasy deletes.

holy guacamole lowery, i am clapping with my hands AND feet! HYSTERICAL! A+!

Lowery. bravo... bravo...

You've set the bar high, my friend. Come out all you wordsmiths...

almosttoast loves all day and night drinking
she posted comments on SE without thinking
abusive, with swearing and cursing
while next to her lay the drinks she was nursing

Until Truth came along and took her to school
and all of her "Friends" cried: that isn't cool!
for we have been her enablers, all
none of us here has ever made such a call!

The glamorous one cried: Let's start our own site!
where we will allow her to drink all day and all night!
for we are her "Friends", and we know what is right!

almosttoast has left town
bound for another vacation
while falling down
drinking another libation

But her "Friends" are still here
never started their own blog
instead preparing welcome back drinks
for almosttoast to slog

But, Spinny is here
awaiting her return
with a welcome home message
for those who won't learn

And Truth has her e-mail
to forward to the boss-man
who has so many billions
his client,the husband
of almosttoast, he will can

Still, glamorous and her "Friends", they have fits
while continuing to post here
such hypocrites!

JGDxinn1: Oh, you will be deleted by streeteasy.

Are you C-Rad?

Why is columbiacounty allowed to continue posting on here, while you are not?
3 hrs ago. I posted my poem. Nobody could meet the Truth.

What's the deal with the toilet seat, anyway?
Did she break it, while praying to the porcelain god?

You know things, C-Rad. You must live there, in Stuy-Town.

O.K. I printed it out.

All is not lost,
all is not lost...

truth, how are your lightbulbs doing?

food delivery also.

What do you think? would the board love to hear the details?

Just a reminder AR "this public farewell hopefully will provide me with the incentive to stay off the board. if I don't feel free to heap abuse upon me!"

SO NO - Don't want your details. Keep your word - stay off SE.

pls...the details...ph, if you dont want em, dont read em

I'm sensing a toilet seat vs. lightbulb smackdown coming.

Wbottom - just think she should try to keep her word. And, she's not grayed out, so hard to "not read"

Push the ignore button and see what happens.

Not to be too much of a critic, but some of this poetry is really quite bad. I'll try another:

Strollers clip my knee
Republican, a bad word
Park Slope is so lame.

Streeteasy!
Streeteasy!
You're so cool.
Some of your listings make me drool.

Ra Ra Ra, Sis Boom Ba!

I hope AR keeps her word. Just my opinion.

Yeah, she's back and trying to bait me into responding to her.
She's a collector of information. She e-mails and gathers it.

My lightbulbs and food delivery don't post comments on SE, cursing people out.

They don't talk about their husband's clients.

Nobody would care what they say.

Wbottom: Because we like you here's the info she's referring to: She sent me e-mails, talking about the husband of a poster on Streeteasy. She wanted to know if I knew him. I responded that I don't, and also wasn't interested in her information and story about him. It's none of my business. That set her off on a tear: Revealing the identity of her husband's client. Cursing.

No time,I have to work. I have important business to attend to.

She previously offered me the legal services of her husband, to help me with a lawsuit, which I have commented about here on SE. Condo board of managers filed a meritless lawsuit against me. Trying to drive me out of the building, so the board and sponsor wouldn't have to make repairs for which they are responsible. The property manager, and the super refused to give me services that were previously given to me, and are still provided to other owners in the building. We already filed a motion to dismiss.

It's a matter of public record.

No need for help from her husband.

It's O.K., because the handyman from the building next door, changes my lightbulbs now.
I still get my food delivered to my door.

See, isn't that so interesting? You can get off the edge of your seat, now.

wrong lawsuit

Truth - Please please don't engage AR. It's been so peaceful on SE without her. And she HAD been keeping her word to stay off SE until now (though only for what ? 12 days?)

LOL,
Is that like falling off the wagon?

rs, I thought you quit se due to the degradation of the site? you back?

I'm not, actually. just making a guest appearance for "truth"

Welcome back,
Your dreams were your ticket out.
Welcome back,
To that same old place that you laughed about.
Well the names have all changed since you hung around,
But those dreams have remained and they're turned around.
Who'd have thought they'd lead ya (Who'd have thought they'd lead ya)
Here where we need ya (Here where we need ya)
Yeah we tease him a lot cause we've hot him on the spot, welcome back,
Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back.

Yeah, Riversider, the names are always changing, and then they get deleted. You know all about that.

W'Burg

The seller of pipe dreams
The dreams ain't all it seems
If you talk about W'Burg
Negatively
BJW will deem you a drug fiend.

mutombo, that's great. Thanks for staying on topic.

bjw2103,

:-)

There once was a man in Hell's Kitchen,
Where the air was so bad he kept itching.
Walked a dozen blocks for some carp,
Set his foot on something quite sharp,
Man, is that tetanus bitchin'!

hahahahahahaahahaha

bjw, a Pulitzer Prize!

aboutready
about 4 hours ago
ignore this person
report abuse
rs, I thought you quit se due to the degradation of the site? you back?
I'm not, actually. just making a guest appearance for "truth"

How does a guess appearance differ from an actual appearance?

I wish people would do what they promise. For instance, I've promised that when aboutready and columbiacounty are gone, that I'll be gone. And I still stick by that promise.

But in contrast, aboutready has repeatedly threatened to leave, then returned. As jsmith posted here: http://streeteasy.com/nyc/talk/discussion/21960-farewell?page=1
jsmith9005
12 days ago
ignore this person
report abuse
I think I've heard this before - http://streeteasy.com/nyc/talk/discussion/2496-the-sky-is-falling
Who wants to take an over/under that she posts again within 3 months?

aboutready
about 2 years ago
ignore this person
report abuse I'm sure a number of you will be happy to see my departure (although Spunky, I will truly miss you) but I have found a number of real estate blogs where I don't even feel compelled to post very often, because I agree generally with what's being said (and they're run by real estate brokers, no less.) I'm sure that nervous habit, or excessive boredom, will cause me to check in once in awhile (particularly about specific buildings I might be interested in), but generally I find you guys to be storks with your heads so stuck in the sand its gotta cause some major itching.

New York IS different, just not THAT much. Bye, and good luck.

oh, and who might this new poster be?

Or even apt23's threat to leave, which didn't even last as long a day (by the way, anyone notice how nicely apt23 fit in to aboutready's role? I wonder if the greatest opposition to aboutready returning might actually come from aboutready's rival apt23 who might be enjoying her perceived position, as sidelinesitter pointed out).

apt23 http://streeteasy.com/nyc/talk/discussion/21960-farewell?page=2
10 days ago
ignore this person
report abuse
sls: I have never used bad language before on SE and I have never said anything, ANYTHING, derisive about anybody......but let me just say-- please go back and read what SE wrote, what I wrote and your response. You are Acluistic and you attack people personally. This is not the first time you have personally --and erroneously -- come after me. You are an arrogant, condescending asshole. But since I am finished with SE, it no longer matters.

oh, hey columbiacounty, didn't see you join me after my 2nd post. How is everything going for you?

JGDxinn: Don't sweat it.

Ph41: You are right about that. Please allow me to give some advice to anybody being bullied:

All lawsuits are public record.

In a co-op: If you are being denied services which are given to other shareholders; in retaliation for reporting to the board the need for such services; and there is sufficient proof that the board is not making repairs that are necessary to your apartment:
The warranty of habitability is the cause of action to file a lawsuit under.

As long as you tell the Truth, you can't lose. The board can drag a lawsuit out, and engage you in economic warfare, so have money available to pay your attorney. It's not who files against whom; it is who wins.

The threat of posting "details" of a lawsuit which is public record; is pathetic.

We believe that the reason for her "friends'" blind loyalty to her is that she has personal information about them. One of her "friends" on SE, was given good work by me. That "friend", unbeknownst to me; was receiving career advice from her. That "friend" felt compelled to give her "updates" on the work she was doing. That "friend" received payment for that work. I HAVE THE CANCELLED CHECK TO PROVE IT.
That client will no longer work with her "friend". I will never again refer a client to her "friend".

So much for the "friendship" she offers.

Hfs....you're loving this, no doubt.

Truth is a liar.

Sorry, bjw. Please go back to your poetry slam.
You can write jingles. You have the talent for that.

Lowery has lyric-writing talent.

So say we.

bs, truth. I have your name. my husband has access to legal databases. your name and the Internet google machine and lexis/nexis was all I needed. and all I used.

truth? you don't know, or care to know, the meaning of the word.

Exactly. She gets your name. Then she tries to troll you on SE with her threats. It took her only minutes to get on here. She explained how easy it is for her to try to bully people.

really? you don't think that the nasty drivel you've been posting about me is bullying? threatening to get info about me during discovery?

guess what toots, unless a case is subject to a protective order an attorney's clients are public record. I did nothing unethical, despite your efforts to paint it as such.

I'm happy to post our e-mail exchange, with a note or two in explanation. you up for it?

warrant of habitability? lightbulbs?

I'm so confused!!!

You are being denied services which are given to other shareholders; in retaliation for reporting to the board the need for such services??????

My head is spinning round and round like a (broken) record.

Oh, and thanks for calling me on the Aboutready Conspiracy Tollfree Hotline.

the threat of starting a lawsuit on an anonymous board, pathetic. but truth is no stranger to the law, in many respects.

Don't spin. Unless you are Spinny.

She's back, for more than a visit. Doing the same old, same old.

But...you have been endlessly bashing her.

I'm just here for you truth. because you've been so here for me.

and it's not just lawsuit info I got off the internet google machine.

Oh lord, AR the bulldog is back - this will now never end (especially with AH and CC as loyal backups)- though I must say Truth, you WERE trying to push her buttons, sort of unnecessarily.

Unethical is revealing the identity of your husband's client. Period.

Shut up penthouse

So when I wake up tomorrow will this thread be 275 comments long?

Truth, didn't you reveal the identity of your client, right here on the StreetEasy Talk board? Yes or no?

Truth - is that unethical, or just really stupidly loose-lipped? You know, like talking over important business in elevators, not knowing who might be listening, or to what end they might use the information?

Sorry, bjw: A short break for nonsense from her.

Yup, there's CC, grayed out but right on cue.

Yes...shut up penthouse

Yes....levon helm. Truth the liar has been dropping his name endlessly.

AH - Truth's a publicist - not quite the same as the wife of a lawyer. The husband's "equity partners" might really not appreciate a partner's wife who gossips about the firm's clients, and who uses her husband's "access to legal databases" to pursue her private fights.

bullshit, truth. my husband's clients are listed on his firm's site. a lawyer is expected to tell people his/her clients. you don't get it. the thing you thought I was afraid of, my husband burst out laughing and offered to print out some threads and show them to his client contact, who knows me btw.

I left for exactly the reasons I said. I had zero idea you'd go off the rails and view it as an opportunity for unfettered foulness. you are remarkably hypocritical.

ph41, we don't often agree, but this time I'm with you.

ph41, how do you know truth is a publicist? believe everything you read?

btw, ph41, we pay for any personal use of legal databases. nice try.

OK guys - AR, Truth - back to your corners - let the fight be over. AR, back to keeping your word please.
Truth - please no more goading

If I hired a publicist I'd be deeply and truly pissed off to have anybody find out. It would mean that I'm too untalented to prosper based on enthusiastic word of mouth; too stupid to say the right things to the press when they come banging on my door. So, ph41, I have to disagree.

Lawyer, though? Why on earth would I want to conceal who my lawyer is, and why would my attorney want to conceal who her client is?

didn't gossip at all, just said, as a reaction to her now clearly inflated self-importance, my husband has........as a client. who the fuck cares?

verbatim. that was my "cussing her out."

cc isn't tiny and grey for me anymore.

these threads are almost as good as Inception (anyone see it? god, it's a great movie! i'm obsessed with it really). i love me a good head spin.

Penthouse lady has spoken. Who cares?

CC- go back to your scotch and your bb gun - good luck with the rabbits.

ph41: It's the client involved. He wouldn't like being gossiped about in e-mails, and on streeteasy. He is very private. I didn't ask for the information, nor the cursing in that e-mail.

You can have proof that I'm a publicist. I have my name on credits. I have clients. I have the cancelled check, for payment to her friend ; for work done for a client.

Penthouse lady...go have fun with truth. You deserve each other. Actually, she makes you look good.

Who is the client involved? What's your name? What credits? Who are your clients? How many zeroes on the canceled check? What work was done? Will there be residuals?

Sorry, bjw: She won't give up. She's still on vacation, but visiting here. Please, get back to the poetry. I have work to do.

CC- you're still to gray to see - but I guess the scotch has made you miss hitting the rabbits. keep trying

And when do she and Ralph get back from vacation?

truth, you don't curse?

Both publicists and lawyers may list clients but will do so only with express permission. And when either discusses a client it should be in a professional capacity.

I agree with ph41 back to to the corners, one is goading and one is too eager to go back to bad habits and one too happy to play with scotch and a bb gun.

showing something to a "client contact" is not quite the same as showing it to the client. The "little guy"(the client contact) might think something is funny, but his boss might have a very different take on it.

ar - your husband's name is Ralph Ready? that's catchy!
;)
sorry, i'll stop commenting here. i have no clue what's happening!

no, truth, you won't stop. that's why I'm here. And you really want me to stop. so you should.

Hey riversider...I tried to be nice and you send back this crap?

uwsmom, you could write a poem about it ... ?

Have to agree with you there again ph41.
Shows very poor judgment. If I was the client contact or client my reaction would be this is a firm one should not trust or do business with. Discretion is one of the first rules of business.

Rent stabilizer... Neither you nor penthouse lady has ever done business. That's pretty damn clear.

Are we talking about a client whom one would expect to have attorneys? Then who cares? Why would the client hisself care? Will he get a ribbing at the next Elks Lodge meeting for going with such a silly firm instead of a cooler one?

Or an obscure one, or one who publicly avows never to use attorneys?

bs, riversider. you must be joking.

client relationships are public record in most cases in litigation. corporate, maybe different.

but truth was introduced to me as "someone to be trusted.". obviously wrong.

btw, this is the client where I suggested to my husband an unusual motion filing procedure and this saved the client millions. he told them it was my idea.

keep it up, rs, you've got a reputation to uphold for nastiness these days. you and truth, happy together.

AH - That is truly a stupid statement. Do you have any real business experience? Running a business, negotiating deals, buying, selling business assets, etc?

ph41, you must be joking. you have no idea.

subs.

his is the client where I suggested to my husband an unusual motion filing procedure and this saved the client millions

Grandstanding?

Oh god - AR came back on the board (yes, she was definitely and deliberately provoked by Truth) and look what's happening.

Oh for the previous peaceful discourse.

ph41, make your point. Why?